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by BlackBlood1872



Series: Zeitreisen AU [1]
Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Arguing, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Not actually complete. It'll just take me a long time to write more, Okumura Rin has ADHD, Self-Esteem Issues, Talking: The Fic, Time Travel Fix-It, the conversations got away from me so it's long but a lot is just talking, the oc is a new nekomata
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:46:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28745685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackBlood1872/pseuds/BlackBlood1872
Summary: The future turns out to be much worse than anyone expected. The fight against the Illuminati turns into war, and while victory might be in sight, the cost may be too much to bare.Samael finds him and offers Rin a solution: go back in time and do whatever he can to make surethis, never comes to pass.Rin doesn't hesitate, but heprobablyshould have made a plan beforehand. It'll be fine. Don't worry about.[Originally written sometime between 2016-2018. No spoilers past chapter 70 or so]
Relationships: Fujimoto Shirou & Okumura Rin, Fujimoto Shirou & Okumura Rin & Okumura Yukio, Moriyama Shiemi & Okumura Rin, Okumura Rin & Okumura Yukio
Series: Zeitreisen AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2117067
Comments: 12
Kudos: 89





	1. Day One

**Author's Note:**

> I… don't know how else to tag this. It's time travel. It's a lot of talking. Yukio is a bit of an asshole but about the same amount as in canon, I think. It's capped at 2 chapters because I have more scenes written and a vague plan for a longer fic, but none of _that_ is written yet, so no promises. 
> 
> Fun fact: this entire chapter and most of the next has been sitting in my docs for literal years at this point and I only did some minor edits while prepping it to post. Hopefully I didn't miss anything.
> 
> Anyway, read it. Enjoy it. Have a good day.

Rin woke suddenly with a sharp inhale through his nose. He lay there, keeping his eyes closed, and slowly released the tension in his muscles, forcing his breaths to be long and slow.

The building he was in was quiet, yet alive—he could hear the creaks of the walls, the gurgle of the piping, the faint sound of bugs from beyond a closed window. There was someone else in the room with him; Rin could hear soft rhythmic breathing broken by the occasional sniff or deep drag.

 _Yukio_ , his mind said, and Rin bit at his lip. _Not possible_ , he thought. How long had it been since he slept in the same room as his brother? Too long; not even when he was fifteen, sixteen, when they roomed together during Rin's first go at Exorcist school, did he wake in time to hear Yukio sleeping near him. Yukio was always the first up and the last to bed, missions and paperwork keeping him awake far longer than Rin ever managed. And after that…

Rin's eyes opened part way, lids heavy, and he stared at the darkened ceiling of his childhood bedroom. His head lolled to the side and he saw Yukio, face pressed into his pillow as he lay mostly in his stomach under the blankets tucked snug around him. Rin smiled, fond and amused; he'd only ever seen Yukio like that a few times in his life. Yukio always tried to act like an adult, even when they were in junior high, and Rin knew his twin fell asleep on his back. Only when he was truly relaxed did he shift into a comfier position.

The smile slipped as Rin remembered just how precious sleep got, the older they became. There was no time for comfort those days, barely enough time for more than naps or 3-hour sleep rotations. Rare were the days they got a full night of sleep; rarer, the times they had a real bed to sleep in.

Rin looked away. It was dark outside, the tree next to their window only starting to bud. There was no visible moon, nor stars, the only light coming from the pre-dawn lightening of the sky. The calendar on the wall beside the window and above his and his brother's desks caught his eye, and in the dim light he could make out the month and year after a bit of concentration. _March 2008._

His breath caught at the date, and he had to squeeze his eyes shut, then look again. The number didn't change no matter how many times he blinked; the calendar still proclaimed to be from the year—and month even—Rin left behind his schooling. Or tried to; he could still remember _that night_ , and the consequences and how he'd been forced to continue into high school.

He ran his tongue over his teeth, and was only vaguely surprised to find them flat and smooth. There was a minor edge to his canines, but nothing as extreme as he'd long since grown used to. He shifted his hips and felt a peculiar expression settle on his face. It was… surprisingly strange, laying on his back with absolutely no discomfort. Rin had grown used to sleeping on his side, or his stomach, to keep from squashing his tail. A tail he no longer had.

Rin swallowed at that. The seal was breaking, he knew, could still remember the words his father told him that night. The seal had been fraying more and more the further into his teens Rin got. Puberty, Rin figured was the cause, his body trying to progress as it always should have if his powers had been free.

He would have to draw Kurikara, Rin realized. Right now, Rin was only human by omission; he couldn't be himself, fully and completely, while his Demon Heart was hidden away from him, trapped in a sheath. He couldn't really live when he knew just how broken he was.

Rin pushed himself up, keeping quiet easily, and padded his way to his closet. Inside, he could see his school uniform crumpled on the floor underneath the hoodies he owned. The first drawer held barely folded t-shirts and button downs, the second pants and jeans. On the floor of the closet, above the drawers, was a box filled with a jumble of underwear and socks. Rin huffed out a silent laugh. It'd been a while since he'd been confronted with how messy his storage was.

He exchanged his pajamas for a pair of black jeans and a blue hoodie he had fond memories of, but hadn't seen in nearly five years. Rin couldn't remember what happened to it, but suspected it was the one that had been shredded after a disastrous undercover mission.

Rin moved back across the room to his desk which was as messy as he remembered. There were scraps of half-finished homework under copies of _Jump SQ_ , one magazine open to the middle of a manga he must have been reading the night before. Rin glanced over the page, but couldn't recall the plot of that story. He sighed and closed it, placing the magazine next to the other issues he owned and dumping the homework in his trash can.

The journal Yukio made him keep, and that Rin occasionally wrote in, was underneath the homework, and he settled into his chair to flip through the pages. He hadn't written anything about leaving school in here; knowing how disappointed his father and brother would both be to hear about his plans, yet also knowing that there was no chance of him being _able_ to continue school. He'd barely passed second year, and only scraped by to graduate from third.

Besides, school was expensive, True Cross Academy even more so, and Rin hadn't wanted to stretch the budget when he didn't have to. Yukio was going to True Cross; Rin didn't need to take any money away from that. _Now_ , of course, he realized that Yukio had his Exorcist missions to pay the way, as well as his scholarships and Samael secretly funding his littlest brother's education. Rin hadn't known any of that the first time around; _this time_ , while his worry was needless, he still couldn't see himself in school.

He'd already gone through two years of high school, and cram school? Practical experience was his best teacher, and Rin had more than enough of that to pass his exams right now. He wondered, absently, if that was an option. He could use a different sword, a regular, human one, for the Knight's exam; he could become a ranked Exorcist while human and then, just maybe, he'd get by without an execution order when his true nature came out.

It'd definitely be helpful for future events if he actually got to rise up the Exorcist hierarchy, instead of being stuck in the lowest position for as long as the Vatican could keep him at that level.

But Rin knew that they'd never accept the _Son of Satan_ as one of their own, even if he proved himself before the reveal. They'd strip his rank, no doubt, and lock him up far away from anyone who could possibly have any sympathy for the poor little half-demon who didn't even _want_ anything to do with Gehenna.

No. If he could, Rin would never even set foot in True Cross Academy Town, no matter how much anyone thought he needed to be trained. But he had little choice. He knew, too, that the path he'd taken that first time was the best—until the battle with Amaimon, when he'd been exposed to all the other Esquires. If he could avoid that, could avoid the execution order…

Rin heaved a sigh, dropping his head against the open page of his journal. Planning had never been his strong suit. That had always fallen to Konekomaru. Rin himself was better at reacting; his plans came to him in the middle of battle, led by instinct more than anything else.

He glanced out the window again, and could just barely see an edge of pink over the shortest building. A squint at the clock told him it was coming up on six o'clock. The others in the monastery should be waking about now. Yukio would follow soon after that.

Rin put his journal into the first drawer of his desk and leaned back with a deep sigh. He ran a hand through his hair, blunt nails scraping at his scalp, then brushing over one rounded ear. It still felt so strange to have a human body, even though he'd been like this for the first fifteen years of his life. More recent memories dulled earlier ones, it seemed, and the seven years after _that night_ far overshadowed the fifteen years before it.

 _Though_ … Rin pulled his hand back and stared at his fingertips. He swallowed and licked his lips, his heart pounding with a mix of nerves and excitement, as he thought about how close the seal was to breaking. Could he? At this time, anger and fear had brought the flames to the surface, even with his inexperience. Now, with seven years worth of memories of manipulating those blue flames, could he—?

Rin took a deep breath. Then he breathed out, long and slow, and twitched his fingers.

Tiny wisps of flame danced over his fingertips, warm as sunlight, and Rin smiled.

* * *

Yukio woke at six thirty to the sight of his brother sitting at his desk. His feet were braced on the desk itself and his chair was balanced on its two back legs, while Rin himself made silent faces at the old PSP in his hands. The only sound came from his fingers pushing the buttons, sometimes harder than needed, and the occasional hiss from the boy himself as, Yukio assumed, his character got beaten up.

Yukio sat up with an aggrieved sigh.

Rin paused his game and turned to grin at his brother at that all too familiar sound. He dropped his chair back to rights as he saved his game, then shifted to straddle his chair backwards. "Morning Yukio," he greeted.

Yukio blinked, as if thrown, then looked at the clock. "What are you doing up?" he asked, bewildered.

Rin shrugged. "Couldn't sleep," he said, which was true. He'd been too well rested to go back to sleep, even though he woke an hour before. Thanks to time shifting magic trickery, Rin had probably just had the best and longest sleep of his life.

Rin froze, then forced himself not to groan. He hadn't thought of it, and really should have, but—Samael would know. He probably already knew. The moment Rin woke up, Samael would have felt the difference, if he was monitoring him—and he definitely was. Time was his domain after all, and Samael himself had been the one to send Rin back here. Even if _this_ incarnation of him didn't know that, he would have felt the change to the time stream Rin made just by knowing what he did now, regardless of whether or not he had changed anything yet.

When he did change things, bigger things than just confusing his family by waking early, Samael would surely come to question him.

Downstairs, there was a cheerful knock on the door, then the sound of someone going to answer it.

Rin hid another groan when he heard Shirō's voice say "Mephisto?" in the most bemused tone Rin had ever heard from him.

Seemed Rin didn't even have to make a big change to have his half-brother come running. At least hearing _that_ name reminded him to use it, rather than his true name. How annoying.

"Rin! Yukio!" Shirō called from the base of the stairs. "Wake up and get down here!"

Rin pushed himself out of his chair and dragged his feet all the way to the door. By time he was across the small room, Yukio stood beside him, dressed and barely hiding his worry. Yukio knew just who Mephisto was, even if Rin wasn't supposed to know about the demon.

Rin wasn't supposed to know about any demons. But he suspected he was going to have to reveal what he knew to the man currently in their home. Mephisto didn't like mysteries, Rin knew. At least, not ones he wasn't in direct control of.

Shirō met them at the base of the stairs, and jerked his head down the hall with his jaw clenched tight. "My office," he managed to say, and headed off. The twin's traded looks and Rin shrugged, feigning a belief that Yukio thought it was _his_ fault, even though that was illogical. It was the kind of thing Rin would have done as a teenager. Yukio gave him an aborted eye roll, and marched after their dad without a word.

Rin took longer, slouching his way into the room to find his father and brother already seated, while Mephisto Pheles stood in front of a side table that he must have moved just to lean against. Rin held in a snort and flung himself into the only remaining chair, crossing his arms and looking sullen.

"Why are you here, Sir Pheles?" Yukio asked, and darted a quick glance at Rin. Rin read the extra, silent question of ‘and why is Rin here?’ in that action, and barely held in a grimace.

Mephisto just smiled. "Well, at first, I had planned on just popping in to grab your brother, but I remembered my agreement with my dear friend Shirō just in time."

Shirō didn't look amused. " _Why_ were you going to kidnap my son?"

"Because!" Mephisto cried, one finger raised. He quickly used that finger to point at Rin, and continued with: "That is not your son!"

Rin was going to punch him. He snarled quietly at him, narrowing his eyes at the very obvious humor in the demon's eyes. A stifling silence settled over the room, all eyes pinned on Rin. Rin saw his brother's hand fall to his side, but there was nothing there; this whole conversation had been a surprise enough that he hadn't thought to wear his guns.

Shirō, on the other hand… Rin knew the man had to have holy water grenades somewhere on him, as well as a pistol, and he probably had a shotgun secured to the underside of his desk.

If Rin had actually managed to wrangle together a plan for how he was going to do this, _that comment_ would have shattered it. This whole meeting was highly inconvenient, in all honesty. Then again, Samael didn't pander to others plans when he had the chance to cause chaos. He'd been called _Loki_ in the past for a _reason_.

So he had no option but to go with it. Good thing he hadn't had any plans. Rin crossed his arms tightly, grinding his teeth. "You're such an ass, Mephisto," Rin said, and the demon just laughed. "You're going to get me killed saying shit like that!"

"Ah, but isn't it true?" the man waved his hand. "Well, true enough. After all, you are not the same boy they knew yesterday, are you? You've been replaced by someone new."

"You're implying I'm a—a changeling or something!" Rin cried.

Mephisto tapped one clawed fingernail against his chin. "I suppose I am. That wasn't my intention." _Liar_ , Rin thought. "I must apologize for the undue confusion."

"What the hell is going on?" Shirō ground out, taking deep breaths.

"I felt a disturbance in Time this morning," Mephisto explained, dropping the humor in a second. "The shift was centered around little Rin here, and it took mere moments to realize that, somehow, he had been sent back in time a number of years. I didn't try to pinpoint just how many before I came here."

"Seven," Rin said, grimacing. "I came back seven years, and I should say before anything else that _you_ were the one to send me back."

Mephisto nodded, grinning widely. "I suspected as much. There really is no other who can match my control over Time!"

Rin rolled his eyes.

"Nii-san?" Yukio asked, and Rin whipped his head around to stare at him. Yukio sounded, and looked, shaken. Almost scared. As anyone would be, Rin conceded. He'd be freaked out if he found out _Yukio_ had travelled back in time.

Time travel suggested that something _apocalyptic_ had happened, too, and that this was the only way to fix that disaster.

Rin gave him a gentle smile. "Yeah, Yukio?"

Hesitation washed over his face, then a struggle where he visibly fought over what he would say. In the end he shook his head and just asked, "Why?"

Rin closed his eyes and bit his lip, letting go a moment later. Years of having fangs taught him _not_ to do that. He'd never quite lost the habit, especially since the wound healed up in seconds.

"It got bad," he said, opening his eyes and knowing they held the sorrow of all those lost. "We were in a war, the world was pretty much a hellzone. Mephisto—the one I knew—came to me with an offer. He could send me back to the start, and I could try to, if not prevent, then at least lessen the effect of the war."

"War?" Shirō asked, leaning back against his chair and rubbing his eyes under his glasses. Yukio just looked pale.

"The Illuminati, or rather Lucifer, has this plan to combine Assiah and Gehenna. He sort of succeeded, about two years from now in my original time, by opening as many Gehenna gates as he could in various spots all over the world. The number of demons in Assiah grew exponentially, and people started seeing demons without ever getting a mashō. Everyone who could was fighting against them, while the more ranked Exorcists fought directly against Lucifer's troops."

Rin frowned at the desk. "At that point, I'd been an Exorcist for little more than a year, even if I was never allowed to advance further than Lower Second Class. Regardless of that, I was their prize weapon, so I was usually on the front lines when they needed the extra power. I met Lucifer at least two times like that, and once during a standstill to try and talk him down. Which didn't work, of course, since he's batshit crazy from all the _elixir_ he needs to keep a physical form."

"He does have a one-track mind," Mephisto commented sourly. He tilted his head. "Insane, though? How did you conclude that?"

"The Illuminati scientists make this weird potion thing to keep his body stable, since I guess he's too powerful to hold a form in Assiah, and while it obviously helps him exist without destroying his body, I think it messes with his head. Sometimes he actually sounds reasonable, and then he'll raze everything around him if someone breathes wrong," Rin winced. That had been a memorable occasion, and Rin had been thankful at the time that he'd been on the other side of the battlefield and that most of the people around him had been Illuminati soldiers and hostile demons. Lucifer had ended up helping them a bit that day, even if they'd had to retreat soon after. Even insane, or maybe _because_ of it, Lucifer had been more of a danger than they could risk.

He then shot Mephisto a disgruntled look. "One of their main labs is in Inari, and they've got Kamiki Tamamo hostage there. I think you already know about that—in fact, I remember a conversation you had with my fellow Esquires and Lewin Light about how you knew all about the Kamiki family situation, as well as about Tōdō Saburōta."

Mephisto sent him a fierce glare, then blinked and sighed melodramatically. "A~ah, I guess you want me to do something about those things now, don't you?"

"That'd be nice," Rin grumbled. "After all, Tōdō wants to revive the Impure King. I'd rather if he didn't do that this time."

"Is he?" Mephisto asked, raising one eyebrow. He actually looked surprised, and Rin wondered if the demon didn't know about that. "He actually got the eyes?" Ah, that was the surprise.

"He did. Almost destroyed all of Kyoto. He's also an Illuminati agent, one of their Demon Eaters, so please find out how to deal with him."

"I'll see what I can do," he said mildly. Rin watched him with narrow eyes; he also remembered, from that same conversation, how Mephisto had spoken of his ‘chessboard’. Rin had a bad feeling that Mephisto wouldn't do much to stop Tōdō. Hopefully, he'd do more to prepare them for that battle.

Rin looked over at Shirō, who was sputtering about _demon eaters?_ "I don't know, well, anything about them except that they force demons to possess them by, obviously, eating them."

Shirō latched onto another part of that. "You know about demons? You can see them?"

Rin blinked at him, confused, before he was hit by the realization that he hadn't been able to see them before now. He hadn't seen his first demon until three days from now, the first time he was fifteen, and then the day after that, he'd awoken his flames. Before all that, he hadn't even believed demons existed. Rin glanced out the window behind Shirō.

As if sensing his attention, one of the Coal Tar lingering on the windowsill turned to look back at him. "Yeah, I can see them," Rin said slowly, thinking. "I couldn't at this point, the first time I went through this day, so maybe the Sight came back with me?"

"You haven't done anything… strange, since you woke this morning?" Mephisto asked, watching him closely.

Rin flashed back to how he'd called up his flames, and smiled sheepishly. "Ah."

Shirō frowned at them both. "It's not because of the seal?" he asked warily.

Rin shook his head. "No, it's totally because of the seal. It's weakening, isn't it? If I was honestly scared for my life, and also not from the future, I could call up the flames at this point."

"It would have broken on his eighteenth birthday," Mephisto contributed, "with no outside influence. It was never meant to last."

"Kind of inhumane, if it were," Rin muttered.

"What do you mean?" Yukio asked, brow furrowed. He couldn't push away the unsettled feeling he had.

"Kurikara holds my Demon Heart," Rin said with a shrug. "Keeping it locked up would be like…" he floundered for a suitable comparison, but there really wasn't one. Not anything a human would understand. He hissed, annoyed. "I don't know. As if I'd had my arm removed but never knew it until I got it back. Fuck, that's not right either."

"I think I get it," Yukio said slowly, looking just as confused as before.

"There is no true way for a human to understand," Mephisto said, and he actually sounded sad. He eyed Rin. "You plan to break the seal."

It wasn't a question. Rin nodded. "I can feel the difference, now that I've had seven years to know how I _should_ feel. It's like I'm missing a limb—which I actually am. But it's also like I'm not breathing deep enough, or seeing as clearly, and like I'm cold and hungry. It's really bad, and I don't like it."

He saw Yukio grip the arms of his chair until his knuckles turned white, and suspected his brother was holding himself back from yelling. Rin understood; Yukio had trained all these years so Rin could have his normal life. So he could keep living that normal life. So he wouldn't ever have to become a demon. And here Rin was, saying he was planning on doing just that.

"Hey," he grinned at his twin, "at least this time, I've got full control of my flames. And," he sent Mephisto a reluctantly amused smirk, "I actually know how to _be a gentleman_ , as you would say. Took a while to learn that trick."

Mephisto looked impressed. "Well done. Now, I have a quick, completely hypothetical question. Would you go to classes if I enrolled you in True Cross?"

"Not the regular classes, no," Rin declined immediately. Yukio managed a complaint at that, and Rin rolled his eyes. "I did two years of high school, which was _more than_ enough, thank you. And I haven't been to a normal school for about five years, so I really wouldn't want to try to do so with a bunch of sixteen year olds." His mouth twisted up.

Shirō laughed at that, looking surprised. Rin grinned at him; he couldn't hide his fondness, and just hoped it helped rather than hindered. "What about cram school?" his father asked.

Rin opened his mouth—planning on asking if he could just take the qualifying exam—then shut it again, contemplative. "It would be nice to see everyone again," he said quietly. "And this time, I'd actually learn something. Probably. It'd be a good refresher at least."

Shirō hummed. "You said you became an Exorcist. What Meister did you go with?"

"I originally just went with Knight, kind of obvious," Rin said. "Then I passed Tamer. I've got a bit of an affinity for cats. Which reminds me, how Kuro? First I heard of him, he was guarding the Southern Rear Entrance of True Cross."

"He's still there," Shirō said, and smiled slightly. He seemed to have given up looking surprised at everything Rin said; good. The man was Paladin, he should be able to adapt fast. Even if it was his son who'd changed so drastically. "I visit him at least once a month, and he comes with me on some missions."

"Good," Rin nodded. "He really missed you when I met him. You should spend more time with him."

Shirō frowned. "Why would he miss me? I don't think I'd forget about him…"

Rin froze.

That was right. Rin… never said anything about how this all started. About the night he found out about his heritage, how he started his Exorcist journey. He swallowed dryly, and looked at his lap.

"Rin?" Yukio's confused voice reached him as if through water, and he flinched when Yukio touched his shoulder. "Nii-san, what happened?"

"You," Rin's voice cracked and he decided to get his breath under control first. Knowing him, he'd burst into tears before he could explain anything. He tried again and his voice was steady, if quiet. "The night I found out about," he waved his hand around, "all this, about my heritage, I… got mad about all the secrets you'd kept. I yelled at you, and it… weakened your spirit, I guess. Satan possessed you and tried to drag me into Gehenna, but you st-stabbed yourself to get him out, and y-you died. I used the sword to destroy the gate, but it was t-too late to save you."

Rin squeezed his eyes shut, hating how hot they felt and how his lips trembled and how hard it was to breathe steadily. He pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes, but that only worsened his headache and sent jolts of pain through his skull.

 _That_ nightmare had always been his most frequent, no matter how many years passed. That whole day was seared into his memory; Astaroth possessing that thug and the subsequent fight for his life; all the horrible demons he could suddenly see; Shirō bulldozing him with the truth while wearing that cold look on his face. The argument and possession, the gate. His father, bloody and lifeless before him.

He heard a chair skid back, and the floor creaked, and then he was pulled into a tight hug. He gripped Shirō's shirt, right hand knocking against his Exorcist pin, and buried his face in his dad's shoulder. Shirō held the back of his head with one hand, fingers threaded through his hair, while the other circled his back and kept him as close as possible.

"That's not going to happen," he said, low and fierce, breath warming the top of Rin's head.

Rin desperately hoped so. He wouldn't survive seeing Shirō die a second time.

It took a few minutes for Rin to get himself under control again. But he did, and he leaned back, Shirō's arms drawing away. He scrubbed at his eyes with his sleeve, and gave his dad a thankful grin. Shirō searched his face, then nodded and returned to his seat.

"And now that the sentimentality has died down, let us return to our previous topic," Mephisto said cheerfully. Rin glared at him. "Why, pray tell, should I allow you to attend cram school but not regular classes?"

"So you can keep an eye on me?" Rin suggested. "At this point, if I don't go to cram school, I'd ask to just take whatever qualifying exams I needed to become a ranked Exorcist. It'd be nice to see my friends again, but I don't really need to."

They stared at each other. Mephisto kept his stern face up for a full minute, then grinned. "If that's the case, I have some paperwork to fill out. Welcome to Exorcist Cram School, my littlest brother!"

Rin rolled his eyes. "Fantastic. I'm not going to do you any favors later on. Except to stop Lucifer from wrecking the world, but that's not really a _favor_ …"

"You are going to take all the fun out of my life, aren't you?" Mephisto deadpanned.

"I've had seven years to deal with your version of fun," Rin said, long-suffering. "I didn't like it then, I'm not going to fall for it now. Much of your fun came from me being so stupid anyway. Did you know I was the last person, literally _the last person_ , to find out you were a demon? I didn't even notice until you told me! And I thought it was some big giant secret that, like, only I knew. Looking back, I want to slap myself."

Mephisto laughed, bending over and holding his stomach, and Rin didn't even know if it was exaggerated. He'd been so _stupid_. Still, he didn't like being laughed at. "Shut up, you clown!"

Mephisto straightened, wiping the corner of his eye, and still laughing under his breath. He waved at them all, then vanished with his customary burst of colorful smoke and confetti.

"I'm going to go make breakfast, if you guys have any requests?" Rin asked, looking between his brother and father. Both shook their heads, and Rin stood with a sharp nod. "Great. Shouldn't take more than half an hour to finish, so be sure to get there before the monks eat it all, okay?"

Soft affirmations followed him out, and Rin let out a long breath as he headed to the kitchen. How stressful! And he couldn't even hope that it was over, because Yukio at least was sure to have more questions. And lectures. Ugh.

There was something Rin had to tell Yukio as well. But that was for later, when they were back in their room for the night. It could wait until then, especially since Yukio would have to sleep on it to really think about what Rin had to tell him.

Cooking what he wanted took a bit longer than thirty minutes, but everyone was at the table by time he served the food, even if Yukio and Shirō kept shooting him looks.

Rin wasn't surprised when, after Nagatomo volunteered to wash dishes, he was dragged right back to the study.

"I wanted to ask," Shirō started, peering over his clasped hands. "You implied you'd been an Exorcist for six years. Were Knight and Tamer the only Meisters you got?"

"They were the first ones I got," Rin revealed. "I was sort of studying for Doctor before the war really picked up steam, so I continued that since we needed every Doctor we could get. Then I got my Aria qualification a year before I came back, which was only because I had Bon as my teacher. Memorization isn't really my thing," he winced as Shirō chuckled. "But I learned the fatal verses for all the lower-class demons, as well as the one to counter human possession."

"What about Dragoon?" Yukio asked, fluctuating between uncomfortable and relieved. It was… hard to imagine his brother being as good of an Exorcist as he said he was.

Rin pretended to gag. "No way! I hate guns, wouldn't ever use one. Never had to anyway, between you and Bon."

"Who is this Bon you keep mentioning?" Shirō wondered.

"Suguro Ryūji," Rin answered. "His childhood friends call him Bon and, well, it's easier to say then Ryūji," he shrugged. Single syllable names were a boon when you had to shout them across a battlefield, and you only had a split second to warn someone. Everyone had nicknames by the second year of the war.

"Suguro," Shirō repeated under his breath.

Rin hummed. "Yeah, he's Tatsuma's son."

"And of course you know about that too," his dad groaned, disgruntled.

"Well, yeah! You stole Kurikara from their family; Bon was really pissed at me when he found out. It's not like it was my fault! I was, like, a day old or something when it happened."

"I didn't _steal_ it…" Shirō mumbled.

"You _tried_ to," Rin pressed. "Nobody wanted you to take it, except for Tatsuma, and that was only after you'd impressed him. So you kind of did steal it."

Shirō leaned back in his chair, grumbling to himself, and Rin turned to Yukio with a raised brow.

"What questions do you have?" he asked.

Yukio fiddled with his glasses, not quite looking at Rin. "Why can you see demons?" he asked quietly. "It can't be because you're from the future," and his voice took on a bewildered note as he said that, as if he still couldn't believe it, "because a mashō is a physical wound."

"It's actually less of a wound and more of a…" Rin squinted at the ceiling, "Kind of an influence? The Sight comes about after someone is affected by the magic of Gehenna. Of course, that's usually when they're wounded, so the misconception stands. Anyway, I can see them because of the weakening seal, but I shouldn't be seeing them just yet. Last time, it took another few days before I could.

"I, um, might have accidentally quickened the process by, um," he trailed off, scratching his cheek and avoiding his brother's eyes. "By calling up my flames?"

"Nii-san!" Yukio cried, and Rin winced.

"Yeah, I know, dumb move. But the seal's going to break pretty soon _anyway_ , and I needed to see if I still had the same precision with them. Better I hone the ability now, before I'm swamped by them when the seal breaks."

"‘When the seal breaks’," Yukio quoted back to him scathingly. "You mean, when you purposely draw the sword and abandon your humanity."

Rin snapped his head around to glare at him. "That's not what I'm doing! Yes, I plan on drawing Kurikara, but I'm not going to lose myself, or whatever shit's going through your head! I'm still half-human, nothing is going to change that, so I'm not going to turn into some mindless, rampaging demon!" Not ever again, at least. He never wanted what happened during his second fight with Amaimon to ever happen again. He'd gotten close, a few times during the war, but he'd never lost himself to that degree again. He never _would_ , if he had any way to prevent it.

"Boys!" Shirō cried, and Rin sank back into his chair, shame welling fast and hot in his chest. He stared down at his feet, and could almost feel his tail curling itself around his leg. That was an interesting phantom sensation. "I can't say that I agree with your plan," Shirō said, and Rin pursed his lips against an automatic rebuttal, "but… I can say that I don't know much about the situation. You two are the first hybrid children I've ever interacted with. I don't know if sealing your powers was better or worse than leaving them be, and I don't know if it'd be better to wait for the seal to break, or to break it soon. I _don't know_ , and that scares me."

Rin jerked his head up to stare, wide eyed, as his father. Shirō smiled sadly, and slowly looked between the both of them. "I don't want either of you to get hurt. If I could keep both of you away from this kind of life, I would. But I can't do that; I couldn't do it when you were seven," he said to Yukio, "and I can't seem to do it now," he turned to Rin, then closed his eyes with a sigh.

"I can keep myself safe," Yukio murmured, with only a hint of petulance in his voice. Rin blew out a breath.

" _We_ can keep _ourselves_ safe," he corrected. "But… it's nice to have someone who cares about our safety. I've… gotten so used to having to rely on myself that it's strange having anyone else to count on."

They both looked at him, and Yukio tilted his head with a small, troubled frown. "You couldn't rely on me?" he asked quietly. Rin closed his eyes at the hurt he heard in his brother's voice.

"I know you love me. But you also said, many times, that you hated me. It was my fault that dad died. I never tried hard enough at my studies, or took my situation seriously enough, and it pissed you off. And you hated that I got to have a normal childhood while you trained all the time, and you hated how it seemed like dad was favoring me over you, and just… You had a lot of burdens, and half the time you brushed off whatever worries or concerns I had, and the other half… you just weren't around. So no," Rin concluded, opening his eyes and staring straight into Yukio's shocked ones, "I couldn't rely on you."

Yukio gasped out a shaking breath, as if he'd forgotten to breathe until Rin finished his speech, then pushed up his glasses to rub harshly at his eyes. "Did—" he croaked, then swallowed. "Did I ever change? Redeem myself?"

Rin watched him, oddly calm, and wondered just what he could say without hurting the boy more. There was nothing he could think of that would count as an answer to the question. "You did," he admitted, even if he couldn't elaborate.

It'd taken years before Yukio changed himself enough for the brothers to regain the camaraderie they'd shared as small children. That had been the only time they'd truly been close; everything began to unravel the moment Yukio began his Exorcist studies. They'd drifted apart, and it had taken ten years of growing resentment, and his complete betrayal, before Yukio could even _glimpse_ the road to redemption.

Rin was never going to tell his brother about that. He couldn't risk the chance that Yukio might repeat his actions. That he might agree with his alternate future self, and think that the Illuminati was a better choice than the Order. Because, painful as it was to admit it, Rin didn't know his brother well enough to predict his choices.

Yukio managed a shaky nod, and Rin hoped this got his brother thinking. He had to choose what was more important to him, before others could influence that choice.

Shirō cleared his throat and smiled awkwardly when they looked back at him. "How about we call a break for now," he suggested. "Lunch will be soon, and I think we could all use some time to settle ourselves."

"Alright," Rin agreed, and pushed out of his chair.

* * *

Lunch was strained, the boys and Shirō eating in an uncomfortable silence, with the monks looking on in bewilderment and worry. But Shirō just shook his head at them, so they didn't ask, even if the atmosphere remained heavy.

Rin started on the dishes without a word, absently noting that the monks fled the room the moment they could. Yukio and Shirō were still there, talking quietly at the table, too low for Rin to pick up any words. It was odd; he'd forgotten how weak human senses were.

Rin turned away from the sink, drying his hands on a towel. The day was starting to catch up with him, and his stomach dropped at the thought of going back to that office. They'd have more questions, and it didn't matter if Rin had said just about everything he wanted to. He knew his brother and knew he, at least, would keep digging until Rin told him something Rin wanted to keep hidden. Nerves twisted up inside of him. Rin wasn't ready to face that.

"I'm going out," Rin announced. His family fell abruptly silent, and Rin didn't look at either of them as he left the kitchen. He didn't hear any protests, and he let his shoulders relax as he switched his footwear. It was still cool enough outside that he decided to wear his jacket, pulling up the hood from his sweater as well.

Soft footsteps behind him made him turn, and Rin saw Yukio standing in the doorway. "Be careful," his brother cautioned after a pause, and Rin smiled at him.

"I will be," he said, and lifted a hand as he turned away.

Walking through the wards at the gate made him shiver, and he eyed the Coal Tar floating around as he headed down the street. There were fewer now than he remembered, but the Gates hadn't been opened yet, so the demon population would be sparse, he supposed. Rin spotted a few too-dark shadows in the alleyways he passed, and thought he might have seen a hobgoblin out of the corner of his eye, but there were still so few of them around that Rin could almost pretend that he couldn't see demons at all.

What a joke. Rin stifled a snort and shook his head with a wry smile. It was strange to imagine, just from an outsider's point of view, the son of Satan being unable to see demons.

He paused next to the small playground he remembered from his childhood, then shook his head and kept going. It didn't take long for Rin to get to the park a few blocks from the monastery. He ignored the glances and whispers he got just from existing, and flopped down onto an out of the way bench, head back and his left forearm covering his eyes.

What had he already revealed, Rin wondered. This day had gotten so far out of hand; it was all Samael's fault, Rin groaned. If he'd just let Rin settle before he barged his way in and made him talk, Rin would have—

Well, he might have been able to talk himself out of informing _anyone_ of his time travel. They didn't really need to know, did they? There was nothing they could really do. Mephisto had his plans, and he wasn't going to scrap them just because Rin knew all the sordid details. And Shirō couldn't do much, even as the Paladin. The Vatican didn't trust him, suspected him of conspiring with Satan, and while that accusation was _horribly_ false, they were right about him hiding something critical from them.

Yukio was the only person Rin would have told, if he had any say. Telling him of what happened, dropping hints of what _he_ did to them, would hopefully stop him from repeating the same mistakes.

Of course, then Yukio would demand that they tell their father, that it was his right to know, and that Yukio couldn't be expected to keep this large of a secret from the man. Rin would have bent to his will, as he did a lot during his teen years, because he'd know that Yukio was right. Shirō deserved to know what was going on with his own son. Even if Rin was still bitter about the secrets his dad was keeping from him, he had eventually realized that Shirō only did that to keep him safe.

Rin dropped his arm and pouted up at the sky. Maybe Mephisto did help him out, in his own obnoxious way. Without him dragging them all together and forcing Rin to spill the beans, he would have just hidden for a needlessly long time before telling them all _anyway_.

Dammit.

Rin sighed heavily, and almost didn't hear the tiny _meow_ that sounded at the same time. Rin blinked. Glanced down. A small cat, barely larger than a kitten, sat next to his foot, staring at him with wide green eyes. It meowed again, and rubbed its cheek against his leg.

"Er, hello," Rin said, bewildered as the cat circled his leg, then hopped onto the bench next to him. He eyed the animal; it looked so odd next to him, white fur with splotches of yellow and light brown against his black and dark blue clothes. Then the cat circled again, and Rin caught sight of its two tails, swaying in opposite directions.

"You're a Nekomata," he realized softly. The cat seemed to smile at him, as much as a cat could smile; it was more of an impression he got from its behavior, as well as the little purr the cat gave as it rubbed its cheek against his arm. _That's right_ , he translated. "What are you doing here?" he asked, then rolled his eyes. As he was, he wouldn't be able to hear the demon speak, so what good was there in asking questions?

The cat made a sound that would have been a snort if it were human, then jumped off the bench. It marched away a few steps then stopped, looking at him over its shoulder. Rin stood slowly and followed after it.

Yukio would be yelling at him right now, Rin thought with a curl of amusement. He'd say something about Rin never thinking before doing, and how he shouldn't trust a demon he just met, or demons at all actually! Rin thought he was a good judge of character, though, and this cat didn't give off any vibes that it was going to hurt him. Even as he followed it further into the shadier side of Southern True Cross.

The cat stopped by the door of an old apartment building, one that was run down and had obviously been abandoned for some time. The cat pawed at the bottom of the door, and Rin pushed it open, eyeing the space warily. The cat made a _mrf_ sound as it walked past him, and Rin closed the door behind them.

Rin shut his eyes reflexively when the cat burst into smoke, coughing and waving his hand to clear the mist out of his face. The smoke faded quickly, and in the cat's place was a woman in a simple, if elegant, kimono, cat ears blending into her long white hair. She smiled at him, her green eyes full of warmth, and bowed her head.

"Hello, young prince," she said, voice calm and smooth, and she gestured with one pale hand to the low table Rin hadn't noticed before. "We can talk here."

Rin watched as the Nekomata settled gracefully on the floor, at the far side of the table, and didn't move. "How did you know?" he asked.

The cat-woman raised an eyebrow at him and gestured to the seat across from her. She didn't speak.

Rin caught himself before he blew out an irritated sigh, and went to sit. "How do you know?" he asked again.

"I can feel the warmth of my Lord's fire from your skin," she said. "It's not obvious; I'm fortunate enough to be sensitive to such magic. The demons who frequent this city wouldn't notice."

Rin lost the tension in his shoulders that he hadn't noticed growing, slouching with a relieved breath. "That's good," he said, and looked up at her with a wry smile. "My powers are sealed right now," he felt the need to explain, pointing to his ears, the most obvious indicator of whether someone was a human or demon. "The seal is weakening, and I thought that might be why you knew about me."

The woman—and he really needed to get her name soon—looked surprised. "Sealed? Oh dear. Why would anyone do such a thing?"

"I'm sure you're aware of what humans think of demons," Rin said, and she winced. "Half-beings aren't thought of any better, and the fact that my father is _Satan_ … If I wasn't sealed, I would have been killed."

She bristled, glaring down at the table. " _Humans_ ," she spat. Rin made a noncommittal sound, and she shook her head. "I apologize, that was rude. You have a human mother, don't you? My scorn is out of place."

"It doesn't matter," Rin told her. He scratched at his cheek. "But, um, would you mind telling me your name? Or whichever name I can use for you; thinking of you as ‘cat’ seems rude."

She laughed lightly, one sleeved hand covering her mouth. "From my prince, I would accept any name," she said, and smiled when Rin winced. He'd encountered these types of demons in the past, the devoted ones who treated him like royalty, and he never got used to it. He hoped he never would. "You may call me Sumiko," she told him.

"Thank you," Rin said with a slight bow of his head. "My name is Rin."

Sumiko eyed him with a strange smile. "Rin-dono," she said, and made a little amused sound when Rin scowled. "I could not possibly refer to you as less than that," she said patiently. Rin turned his head to pout at the floor, then sighed.

"Fine. At least no one's going to hear you call me that," he grumbled, and Sumiko tilted her head.

"Anyone who hears me speak will hear that address," she said, letting her confusion color her words.

Rin looked at her silently, for a moment. "Oh!" he realized, then smiled awkwardly. "If you're in human form, they will. But once the seal on my powers is gone, I'll be able to hear you while you're a cat. A kind of demon telepathy I guess."

"Truly?" Sumiko said, eyes wide and—awed? Rin looked away, cheeks turning pink. Then he jolted and ducked his head.

"Well, that's assuming I'll see you again after this," he said. "I don't want to presume that you're going to stick around if you weren't planning to."

"I would like to follow Rin-dono," she said. "You will need a familiar, now that you're awakening. And," she gave him a pleased little smile, "it will do wonders for my status should I be favored by the Prince of Gehenna."

Rin rolled his eyes but laughed anyway. " _A_ Prince of Gehenna," he corrected, because if he was going to suffer through this, Yukio damn well was too. "I have a younger twin brother. He didn't inherit the blue flames right away, but he'll awaken within the next five years, most likely."

Sumiko's eyes grew wide and her mouth fell open, just the slightest part of her lips, but she had been so refined before then that the change was momentous. Her cheeks even gained a hint of pink, brightening from the near white it was before, and Rin was horrified to recognize that expression.

 _Fangirls!_ he thought with a shudder. "Anyway!" he cried, looking around wildly for some sort of rescue. His gaze caught on one of the windows, and the golden red light on the wall, and he stood quickly. "Oh shit! I gotta get home; I am so late!"

Sumiko shook her head and stood as well, resting one covered hand on Rin's shoulder. "Will you allow me to return with you?" she asked.

"Of course," Rin said, before he remembered the wards around his home. "Er, that is, if you _can_. There are anti-demon wards around the monastery."

Sumiko blinked. "Oh. Well," she let out a breath and nodded. "We'll see how far I can go." Within moments, where she'd stood before was a tiny cat. Rin briefly smiled at her before he left the building and began running home.

It only took fifteen minutes before he was at the gates, and he leaned against the wall to catch his breath. Sumiko came to a stop beside him, and she cautiously edged closer to the gates. Rin wondered if his wishes had any say in what came through the wards, and said, "I give the Nekomata Sumiko permission to cross."

The cat shot a quick glance at him, then tapped the boundary line with her paw. The gate sparked and Sumiko pulled away with a hiss. She hesitated to try again, but when she did, nothing happened.

Rin sighed in relief, and pushed open the gate, letting the cat precede him. The gates clanged together, and Rin felt his nerves return as he crossed the courtyard to the front door. Hopefully he hadn't been gone _too_ long…

Rin pushed open the door slowly, peeking around the edge. Shirō stood with his arms crossed in the doorway to the kitchen, and Rin gulped. "H-hey dad," he said with a pale smile. He pushed the door open all the way, and Sumiko followed him in, keeping close to his heels. Shirō's eyes narrowed down at her and she pressed closer to his leg.

"That's a Nekomata," Shirō observed, raising an eyebrow at his son. Rin scratched his cheek.

"Yeah. Um. Dad, this is Sumiko. Sumiko, this is my foster father, Fugimoto Shirō."

Sumiko turned wide eyes to him, smacking one paw against his shoe. He realized she recognized the name; well, _of course_ demons would know the Paladin's name! They'd have to to be able to avoid him. And the expression in her eyes was one of _why didn't you tell me this?_

Rin winced.

"Can you understand… her?" his dad asked woodenly. Rin shook his head.

"Not right now. She has a human form, that's how we talked, but, er, I can't hear her like this."

"Hm," was all Shirō said about that. Rin toed off his shoes and shed his coat before he could forget; he'd done that a few times, and his punishment was always to clean the floor he'd messed up. Usually he had to clean the _rest_ of the floor while he was at it, and Rin definitely wanted to avoid that.

Yukio came down the stairs then. "Is Nii-san home?" he asked, then said, "oh, he is," when he saw Rin.

Sumiko perked up and darted away from Rin, cutting a wide circle around Shirō, then skidded to a stop in front of Yukio, staring up at him. She turned her head and meowed at Rin. "Yeah, that's my brother," he said, amused. She gave a delighted cry, reminiscent of Kuro, then leaped up onto Yukio's shoulder, rubbing their cheeks together.

"Gah!" Yukio cried and flailed away. Rin couldn't stop himself; he burst into laughter, holding his stomach and bending over with the force of his mirth. Shirō looked a little amused himself, but he still frowned at Rin.

"Care to explain this?" he said, deceptively mild, and Rin brought himself back under control with a few coughs.

"She found me in the park, she'd noticed who I was and wanted to chat. She was making such a big deal of my _royal standing_ ," Rin rolled his eyes and scoffed, "so I told her that I have a brother. If I have to suffer this pain, so does he."

Shirō snorted, and coughed into his fist to avoid actual laughter. "But why did she follow you home?" he asked, then leered at him, "Or do I have to worry about _all_ sorts of girls?"

It took a moment for the meaning of that to sink in, then Rin's face burst into (figurative) flames. "Oi!" he yelled, and Shirō ducked into the kitchen, cackling. Rin caught him easily, and punched his shoulder, only barely holding back in time so he didn't, God forbid, break his dad's arm. "She wants to be my familiar, you ass! Not anything like—like _that_!"

Shirō gripped his shoulder and fell back against the counter, making such an exaggerated face that Rin knew he hadn't actually hurt him, regardless of how the man acted. Rin huffed and crossed his arms, scowling at him. Shirō gave it up after a minute, rotating his arm with only a faint grimace.

"A familiar, huh? Not many beginning Exorcists get one of those. Good job," Shirō said proudly. Rin looked away, cheeks pink.

"Not like I _did_ anything," he grumbled.

Yukio tumbled into the kitchen, looking extremely harassed. Sumiko was purring away, draped over the back of his head, her paws touching the top of his glasses. Rin smiled; it reminded him of Kuro, who always rode around on him the same way. Shirō snorted out a laugh.

"It's not funny," Yukio ground out. He looked as far up as he could, glaring. "How did this get through the wards?" he demanded.

" _She_ ," Rin corrected, smile dropping in favor of his own glare. "And I guess… I let her through?"

"The wards only keep out hostile or malevolent demons," Shirō said, even as he eyed Rin. "What do you mean, ‘let her through’?"

Rin scratched his cheek. "I don't really know how the protections work, so I said something like ‘I give permission for Sumiko to cross’ and she got through."

"Hm," Shirō said. "I don't know if that did anything to help. If she's as harmless as she's acting, she could have gotten through without that. I don't think _you_ can affect the wards anyway. Only the person who created them can."

"Well anyway," Rin shrugged. "She's inside now. Sumiko, could you get off my brother?"

The cat looked up and mewled pathetically. _Do I have to?_ Rin guessed. He frowned at her and she sighed, but jumped down. She wandered over to him and looked contemplative for all of three seconds before she climbed onto his shoulder. As used to Kuro as he was, he automatically shifted to keep his balance, and barely even noticed as she settled onto his head.

Yukio looked at him as if he was the weirdest person he'd ever met. Rin stuck out his tongue at him.

"Boys," Shirō sighed, and they looked away from each other. "Rin, we're planning on something simple for supper. If you want to help, you can, but I think you should take this time to get… Sumiko settled in."

Rin agreed that he should probably do that, so he nodded and went upstairs to his room. Sumiko jumped off him once he closed the door behind them, and looked around curiously. She made various little thoughtful noises, then sat and looked at him. Rin scratched his cheek.

"Well, I suppose you need somewhere to sleep," he mumbled, looking around. His bed had two pillows, because Rin always ended up hugging one at some point in the night; before, Kuro had ended up sleeping on the second one. Plus, Rin had outgrown that habit sometime during the war and hoped that transferred with him.

Having the cat sleep on his bed though… It'd never been weird with Kuro, but Kuro was male and Rin had never seen his human form, for all that Kuro said he had one. Sumiko was female, and Rin _knew that_ , so the thought of her sharing his pillows was… embarrassing, really.

But she was a _cat_ , so why the hell would it be weird? Rin growled at himself and rubbed harshly at his eyes. "Whatever!" he told himself. "I've got an extra pillow, if you want to sleep there," he told Sumiko. "I can either move it somewhere, or you can sleep next to my head, whatever's better for you."

The cat looked around the room, then jumped onto his bed. Rin rearranged his pillows, one where it'd usually be, and the other lying lengthwise against the wall. Sumiko kneaded at the second one, then curled up with a quiet purr.

"Guess that's where you're sleeping, then," Rin murmured. Sumiko laid her head onto her paws with a _mrf_ noise, and settled in for a nap. Rin shook his head and headed back downstairs.

Supper turned out to be soup and sandwiches, and Rin bemoaned ever giving up control of _his kitchen_ , much to the amusement of the monks and the irritation of his family members. Kyodo was designated dishwasher that meal, and the twins followed their father back up to his office, because of course. Rin honestly had no idea why; he'd covered pretty much everything he could think of. Well, everything that mattered.

Rin flopped into his chair, letting his head rest against the back of it, facing the ceiling. He closed his eyes and breathed out, long and slow. Outside, the sun had fallen completely behind the horizon, and Rin was suddenly aware of just how long this day had been. He wanted to sleep.

"Nii-san," Yukio said quietly, and Rin sighed quietly. He sat up properly and stared expectantly at his dad. Shirō, looking at them from behind his clasped hands, smiled in sympathy.

"I don't have any more questions about your future—at least, nothing pressing. I might think of something later. Right now, I just want to know about what you have planned."

Rin blinked slowly. "Er. Well, I want to get my Exorcist qualification."

"Of course," Shirō nodded. "What are you going to do tomorrow? Next week?"

Rin opened, then closed his mouth. Tomorrow? He supposed he'd… have to do something. He knew he was going to be cooking as many of the meals as he could, even if he had to steal the chore from another of the clergy. They'd proven, in the past and for supper, that he couldn't trust them to feed themselves. Plus, he wanted to cook again. The last few years, Rin never had access to a good enough kitchen to make the dishes he wanted. Most of the time, he had to make do with rations and canned food.

Other than cooking… Rin supposed he'd have to pack his things, like Yukio was doing, since he was now enrolled in the cram school. But once he was done packing, then what?

"I want to cook more, and I guess I'll have to pack my stuff. Maybe train a bit, if I can? I don't know," Rin shrugged, brow scrunched up.

"What sort of training?" Shirō asked curiously.

"Swordsmanship, mostly. I don't have the same muscles as I'm used to, and I don't think my mental knowledge will be good enough in the long haul. Um, and I might start jogging; my endurance is kind of crap right now." There was one other thing he'd be training with: his flames. He'd have to find candles somewhere.

Shirō nodded. "I can walk you through some sword katas, if you'd like."

"I'd appreciate it," Rin grinned. It'd been long enough that he'd definitely forgotten the basic forms. After a year of that boredom, he'd developed his own style, and it had a lot more leaping and spinning than any school taught style.

"And what's your plan regarding Kurikara?" Yukio tensed up at that, and Rin sighed through his nose.

"I'm going to draw it. The seal isn't going to last much longer even if I don't. But… I don't know when. Not this week, at least," he directed at his brother, wryly, and rolled his eyes when Yukio visibly relaxed. "But I should do it before I start at cram school."

"Why?" Yukio demanded.

"Consistency," Rin shot back. Yukio blinked at him, thrown. "If I have all my non-human features the first time any of my classmates see me, they won't really notice them. Eyebrows even told me that lots of Exorcists have demon ancestry, so it's not that weird to have fangs or pointed ears. If I start cram school with round ears, then suddenly have pointed ones later in the year, they're going to _notice_. They'll talk about it, and that'll be overheard, and then the Vatican will get involved.

"Suddenly, I'll have more people watching me, and eventually they'll find out about my blood father, and then they'll want to kill me. I don't want them to want to kill me. I've already gone through that once, and I don't want to do it again."

"The Vatican wanted to kill you?" Shirō asked, leaning forward, heart pounding. Rin quirked a weird smile.

"Yeah. I kind of… During the Esquire training camp, Amaimon showed up and I ended up drawing Kurikara in front of everyone. The new Paladin noticed our fight, which wasn't very hard since I was on fire, and I was put on trial in front of the Grigori. Mephisto made a deal that I either had to pass my Exorcist exam in six months, or I'd be executed. In addition to _that_ ," Rin added with a scowl, "if I ever lost control, I'd be killed right away."

"So keeping the flames hidden is a must," Shirō concluded. His face was pale, and his voice strained, if only barely. "And so is keeping your appearance consistent."

"And I can't just keep my heart sealed forever," Rin told him, "so I _have_ to draw it. Best course I can see is: draw the sword before school starts, and keep my flames under control."

His flames would be much more controllable if he never drew Kurikara. His appearance would also stay human, rather than vaguely demonic. Now that Rin had some control of his power, the seal _probably_ wouldn't break until he was eighteen. So, it was entirely possible that Shirō thought _that_ was the best course of action. Yukio _definitely_ thought so.

However, Rin _knew_ just how incomplete he was like this. He could _feel it_ every moment of the day; could feel it in every breath that felt just a little bit too short, after every meal that didn't fill him up, with every blink of just _slightly_ blurry eyes. He didn't feel like himself, he didn't feel _whole_.

Mephisto was right when he said no human would understand. Yukio might, if only by comparison: if his glasses had been taken away, then he had the chance to get them back, but no one around him agreed to giving them back. He _could_ just get his glasses back without anyone else's input, but then they'd all be mad and afraid.

The comparison fell apart quickly.

Glasses weren't even remotely comparable to someone's _heart_ , though. Nothing was. But no _human_ could understand just how _painful_ this was, and none would agree with his need to be healed. Especially since this was all demonic in nature; humans feared what could hurt them, even if it never would. Case in point: Konekomaru.

"Can you control them?" Shirō asked, deathly serious.

"Yes," Rin said decisively.

Shirō stared into his eyes for so long Rin had to blink. Shirō cracked a smile, then nodded. "Alright."

"Father!" Yukio blurted. "You can't be serious! Rin can't—"

"He made some good points," Shirō said, and Yukio shut his mouth with a click, even if he looked mulish. "Rin can't draw the sword halfway through the year, or _anytime_ after entering the True Cross Order. And the seal _won't_ last forever. It's already wearing out, and the older Rin gets, the weaker it'll become.

"I can't begin to understand the importance of a Demon Heart," Shirō admitted, "but from everything I've heard Sir Pheles and Rin say, it is important."

"It's like half of my soul is locked away in that sword," Rin said quietly. "The demon half, sure, but still _half_."

Shirō winced.

"I understand why it was done in the first place," Rin said, "and if I were anyone else, I'd understand your hesitation. But I'm not anyone else, and I wouldn't even do this, keep a demon's _heart_ locked up, to any of my enemies. It's… too horrible to even imagine."

Shirō smiled a little at that. "And there's your humanity showing itself, when I'd almost forgotten about it," he said sadly. Rin winced. "I don't think I've met any demon with that high a capacity for empathy."

"That's not a common demonic trait, no," Rin agreed reluctantly. There were _some_ he would call _nice_ ; Kuro being his first thought, as well as a few of his favorite summons. But even then, they didn't have the same compassion as he did, or as humans did.

Sometimes, not even his fellow Exorcists had his level of humanity. It'd been… very lonely.

Rin shook his head. "Anyway. I know my classmates will ignore any demonic traits I have. The senior Exorcists… well, as long as I don't do anything stupid, they probably won't notice either." He frowned, and crossed his arms. "Although, they really _should_ notice. Yukio and I are twins, and being fraternal doesn't explain _pointed ears_ …" Huh. Rin worried his bottom lip, suddenly uneasy. Shura _had_ to have noticed, even before the Mephyland incident.

No one had done anything until he'd shown his flames though. Rin could only hope that would happen this time, and he'd keep hidden until after his exams.

"The more I hear, the more I think you should _stay sealed_ ," Yukio said, eyes narrow. Rin bit back his instinctive snarl and closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing. Yukio didn't _know_. Yukio _hated_ demons. He had no idea just how hurtful that comment was. And demons were a lot like wild animals: when they were cornered, or injured, their instinct was to _attack_.

Rin would never attack his brother, not seriously. But it was still a struggle to hold back the urge.

"I can't do that," Rin said, fighting to keep his voice level. He opened his eyes and glared at his brother, jaw clenched. "I _won't_."

Yukio glared back. Rin's lips curled into a snarl and his eyes felt hot. Yukio flinched back, and Rin could almost _smell_ the fear coming off him. Rin flinched himself and bowed his head, eyes squeezed shut and gripping the bridge of his nose. "Sorry," he whispered. "But it _hurts_ being sealed. And we all know it's weakening, so _why wait_?"

"I think," Shirō cut in, pausing to push himself up with an exaggerated groan, "that we should table all this. It's been a long day, and growing boys need their sleep."

Rin bit back a thankful oath, though he did slump in his chair. " _That_ ," he said, "is a great idea."

"I don't think—" Yukio started, but Shirō clapped a hand on his shoulder when he passed.

" _Sleep_ ," he stressed. "It's late, you still need to pack—both of you do—and we can always talk more tomorrow. And I think we all need the night to absorb everything we've learned today."

Yukio scowled, but stood and followed Rin to their room without any further protests.

* * *

Rin glanced out the window as he got changed for bed and winced. It really was late, but Rin knew he wasn't done. There was one last thing he _needed_ to say.

"Yukio," he called softly, and his brother froze where he was just getting into bed.

"Yes, Nii-san?" he said, not turning to look. Rin sighed, and sat on his bed.

"There's something you should know. It'd be good for you to know, before anything like before happens again."

Yukio looked at him then, confused but curious, and went to sit in his desk chair. "What is it?"

Rin stared at him, trying to see the brother he remembered from when Yukio was at his worst. There were traces of that Yukio in the stiffness of his shoulders, the tightness around his eyes. Nothing as crazed as the day he'd finally snapped, and Rin hoped that never happened. It'd hurt the first time, seeing the result of all the things his brother hid from him, and he never wanted them to have that kind of distance again. The near nine years that had built up at this point was bad enough.

Rin took a deep breath. "When my heritage got out, everyone thought of me as ‘the son of Satan’. Nobody really connected the fact that we're twins, with the same blood father. But you're a son of Satan too."

"Is there a point to this?" Yukio asked, jaw visibly tense. Rin could almost hear his teeth grinding together.

"The point is, I may have gotten the blue flames at birth, but that was only because you were weaker. You're stronger now. And as you get stronger, your own powers are going to wake up." Rin nodded grimly at Yukio's pale and suddenly terrified face. "In my first go, it only took five more years, from this point, for you to awaken. It was during a really bad surprise attack, and none of us were prepared for it. We got separated, and I guess you were in enough danger that your own flames came out.

"You got pretty good at them, after that," Rin said with a proud grin. "Quickly too; I guess everyone's right when they call you a prodigy. It only took you two years to get better than me, and I'd had them for seven years by then!"

Rin grew serious again, and reached out to grab one of Yukio's hands, only holding on tighter then Yukio tried to jerk away. "But, Yukio, the reason you took so long was because you were—because you _are_ scared. Scared of yourself, of what might happen, of what you could do. I know, I felt the same way when the seal broke. I was terrified, even if I never showed it. But you can't be scared, okay? That's not going to do any good; it's actually the worst thing you could do."

"How else am I supposed to feel?" Yukio demanded. "It's _Satan's power_ , I couldn't possibly—"

"And that's the root of the problem," Rin cut in. "It's _your power_ . Not Satan's power, not even my power. Well, my own flames are my power, but your flames are yours. They come from _you_ , and _you_ control them. It's like how your guns are yours; they don't belong to whoever made them, do they? No, they belong to _you_ , and the flames are the same. It takes training, and determination, and confidence, but all weapons are like that. You learned how to use those guns, and you're pretty damn good with them, and I know you can do the same whenever your powers awaken.

"Believe in your Nii-chan," he added, grinning cheekily, in an attempt to lighten the mood. "I do know what I'm talking about sometimes."

Yukio let out a shaky laugh. His hand was trembling, Rin could feel it, but he made a valiant effort to smile. "You're an idiot, Nii-san," he said. "If we're relying on you, the world is doomed."

"Ha!" Rin laughed, letting go of his brother's hand to lightly punch his shoulder. "You big joker, I'll have you know I'm the best guy to rely on!"

"You have your moments," Yukio conceded, smiling fondly. It fell quickly and he let out a big sigh, looking away to his side of the room. "We should be getting to bed."

Rin nodded grudgingly, and settled in as Yukio slipped into his own bed. The length of the day crept up on him, and the second Rin closed his eyes, he was asleep.

Yukio didn't have the same ease, even after the full day. His mind was a mess, and Yukio could barely think about his apparent future without feeling sick. So he tried not to, but every time he closed his eyes, all he could see were _Rin's_ , from that moment of anger. How they'd flared brighter, and blue flame bloomed around the spot of red at their core.

It was well into the night before his exhaustion finally dragged him into a restless sleep.


	2. Day Two

The next day, Rin yawned as he stumbled down the stairs to the kitchen. It was later than he'd woken the previous day, but seven in the morning was still earlier than he ever used to wake up.

Shirō looked up from his breakfast—cereal today—and watched as Rin walked a few steps then overbalanced forward and had to catch himself on a chair before he face-planted on the floor. Shirō snorted and Rin shot him a blurry glare.

"Still sleeping, brat?"

"Shut up!" Rin growled. He pushed himself up and headed for the cupboard, bound on his own bowl of cereal. He managed to make it all the way there before he tipped forward and braced himself on the counter with a wince. "Give me a break," he groaned when Shirō started laughing again. "I just woke up and my balance is all messed up right now."

"How could your balance be wrecked _now_? You've been walking for years!"

"Yeah, yeah," Rin grumbled. The trip to the fridge for milk was easier, since it was closer, and the one to the table wasn't as bad, since he was more awake at that point. He sat with a groan, left hand going to rub at his lower back, the spot just above where his tail should have started.

"Seriously though," Shirō said, leaning forward. His empty bowl had been pushed aside, and Rin eyed how close his dad's elbow was to knocking it off the table entirely. "What's got you all messed up?"

Rin put off answering that by shoveling food in his face, but there was only so much in the bowl. He delayed by taking both bowls to the sink, but he knew his dad wouldn't be patient enough to let him wash them. He sighed and sat back down.

"…I had a tail," Rin finally, reluctantly, admitted. "It changed how I moved, and without it, everything's quirky. I _really_ want that seal to break so everything's back to normal."

"You _want_ to grow a tail?" is what Shirō said right as Yukio walked into the kitchen. The teen paused in the doorway, face pinched.

" _Why_?" he asked under his breath, pushing up his glasses and ignoring both of them as he got his own food. Rin just grinned to himself.

Yukio still wouldn't look at them as he ate. He even took it upon himself to wash the bowls. Shirō shook his head with an amused sigh.

"Boys, follow me," Shirō said as he stood. Rin stood slowly, sharing a confused look with Yukio as his brother turned away from the sink.

He almost protested, thinking they were going back to _the office_ , and he'd seen _more_ than enough of that room to last him the _year_. But their father didn't head upstairs, leading them down to the basement instead, and to a door Rin had never seen before. The man recited a quick verse, too quiet for Rin to hear, then opened the door and beckoned them to precede him inside. When they were all in, Shirō closed the door and chanted again, and Rin shivered as he felt the ward system flare to life.

"What is this?" Rin asked absently, wandering around and taking in the room. It was an open space as large as the main basement, which made sense since the public part of the basement was definitely smaller than the size of the monastery suggested it should be. There were targets set up against the far wall, cabinets most likely filled with weapons, and mats stacked against the wall to the right of the door. In the corner next to the circular targets were a cluster of straw dummies, each with the same wear as the targets.

"Our personal training room. You've never been here?" Shirō asked as he went to the first cupboard.

A dark look passed through Rin's eyes, and he shook his head to try and dispel it. "No. After _that night_ , I never came back here." He saw the confusion in his dad's eyes and elaborated: "We moved to the True Cross dorms when school started, and a few years after that, I mostly stayed in whatever safe house or outpost was closest to the battlefield I was assigned to. And… I couldn't convince myself to come back here. Not with the flashbacks and nightmares and stuff."

"You seem okay now…" Shirō said, but sounded worried. Rin grinned at him.

"‘Cause you're around. I have very real proof that you're still alive, so I'm doing fine."

Shirō hummed, and pulled two _bokken_ from the cupboard. Rin could see a variety of other training weapons in there, including boxes of, he assumed, rubber bullets. The door was closed before he could get a better look, and then Shirō tossed him one of the swords. Rin caught it easily and frowned.

"What are these for?" he wondered. Shirō smirked at him in a way that reminded Rin of Shura.

"I'm going to test your skills, of course," the man said, walking to the center of the room and falling into a ready stance. "You say you passed your Knight's exam; prove it."

Rin tightened his hold of the practice sword, and nodded sharply. He placed himself about five meters away from his father, and absently noticed that Yukio moved to lean against the mats by the door.

Shirō rushed at him the moment Rin took his spot. Rin redirected the swipe and spun out of the way, narrowly missing Shirō's side when he tried to tag him. The fight continued in that vein; each striking and barely missing each other, speeding up more as they fell into the rhythm of it.

Eight minutes later, Shirō overextended a stab, and Rin took the opportunity with barely a thought, knocking the sword from his dad's hand and jabbing the tip of his own under the man's chin. Both froze, breathing heavily, and then Shirō raised his hands in surrender and grinned.

"Well done," he said, stepping back. Rin dropped his arm, then let the _bokken_ fall to the floor with a clatter.

"Holy _shit_ , Oyaji," he gasped out, bending back and wincing as his spine cracked half a dozen times. "They didn't go _nearly_ that hard on me during the exam!"

Shirō laughed loudly. "I bet you didn't spar with the Paladin, did you kiddo? I earned this rank!"

"You sure did," Rin grumbled. God, was he thankful for his healing factor. Even sealed, he healed a little faster than normal humans; he was still going to be paying for this later in the day. "You're not going to test my Taming next, are you?"

"I could, if you want me to," his dad said, and Rin chuckled weakly.

"I don't know if I'd be able to summon more than a kitten right now," he said. He decided then that he didn't want to stand anymore, and sat down, then flopped onto his back. The floor was made of stone, and it was blissfully cool against his skin, and he didn't resist the temptation to press his cheek against it.

He barely opened his eyes when Shirō sat next to him. "What sort of demons can you summon?" he asked, barely winded anymore.

Rin didn't reply right away. Before he could, Yukio joined their circle, holding out two bottles of water. Rin took his with a quiet _thank you_ , and pushed himself up to gulp down half of it in a quick burst. He sighed in relief, slumping forward.

Shirō poked his knee, and Rin sent him a quick smile. "I said before that I've got an affinity for cats. I blame Kuro for that, since he was my first familiar. I've summoned other Nekomata and Cat Sídhe, a Snow Lion, and a Pogeyan."

"Wow," Shirō breathed. "That's pretty impressive."

Rin shrugged. "I also have a very obvious affinity for fire demons. Karura actually helped me out quite a few times over the years."

An odd expression crossed Shirō's face. "Right. Fire." The uncomfortable look was mirrored on Yukio's face.

Rin looked at them, confused, before it clicked. Of course they'd be wary of his flames. Even with the conversation he and Yukio had the night before, he'd grown up fearing Satan's flames, and Shirō had his own personal experiences with them, even if he hadn't been one of the many Exorcists possessed on the Blue Night. Rin had mentioned his use of the flames before, but it'd always been offhand, little references here and there. Nothing that couldn't be brushed off when it was too awkward to think about.

"I might have inherited them from Satan, but these flames are my own," Rin said, brow furrowed. "He doesn't control them, I do. And I've had literal years to learn how to use them, plus with my powers mostly sealed, they're even less dangerous than they could be."

"Still," Yukio said, fidgeting with his glasses like he always did when he was nervous.

Rin debated with himself, then sighed through his nose. "Don't freak out," he said, and lit his fingertips on fire.

Both of his family members jerked back, and Rin rolled his eyes dramatically. "Seriously? These are, like, super tiny. I couldn't even burn a Coal Tar right now." He eyed his hand and the five little fires combined and shaped themselves into a flat disc, which he rolled between his knuckles like a coin. Rin couldn't pull off that trick with a real coin, but this was easy. He even mimed flicking the ‘coin’ into the air, and slapped his hand over it on his right arm. When he pulled away, the fire was gone.

"I can't burn anything I don't want to," Rin said. "Even when I didn't have that much control, I never burned a human. I might have, _accidentally_ , burnt some people's clothes off," he very carefully didn't look at his brother, "but I never hurt them. Shiemi even told me once that they just felt warm, like sunlight."

"How the hell would Shiemi know _that_?" Yukio demanded, glaring furiously at him. Rin rubbed the back of his neck, laughing awkwardly.

"It was… a very complicated situation and I might have tried to scare her away from me, but well, like I said. I don't seem capable of hurting humans with these. She was completely fine. She's also crazy, because none of my classmates _knew_ that my flame wouldn't hurt them, so she was just going on trust alone. You'd think she'd learn after all the run-ins with demons she's had…"

Rin blinked rapidly, then looked at them with wide eyes. "That's right! Yukio, there's a Dekalp in Shiemi's garden that's attached itself to her; that's why she can't walk."

Yukio stared at him.

"It's surprising how much random stuff you know," Shirō said for him, and Yukio nodded numbly in agreement. Rin shrugged.

"I met her on the day we ended up exorcising that demon," Rin said. "Plus, she became my first friend at cram school." Or, rather, his first friend ever, but that sounded a little too pathetic, even for him.

"Shiemi's not in the cram school," Yukio said.

"Not _yet_ ," Rin corrected. "She's a really awesome Tamer; has an affinity for Earth demons. And with her knowledge of plants, she's a good Doctor too."

"She sounds like a valuable person to have around," Shirō said thoughtfully.

"She is," Rin agreed. He leaned back, hands flat on the floor, and frowned up at the ceiling. He'd have to try and… motivate Shiemi to join up again. Last time, she hadn't even considered it until he and Yukio got rid of that Dekalp.

"You can use this room for the training you mentioned," Shirō said, and waved a hand towards the cabinets. "The one in the middle has close range weapons, like these _bokken_ and some _bō_. The first one has guns and blanks. The third one has assorted other things."

"Do you have candles in there?" Rin asked. He doubted it though. Why would a normal Exorcist need candles to train?

Shirō eyed him oddly and shook his head. "No. There should be some in the house somewhere, however."

"That works," Rin muttered. He sat there, staring into space and thinking about all the exercises he would need to get back into the hang of doing. As the list got longer, his face fell a little. It'd been _so nice_ when he got past those kiddie exercises, mastered them enough that Shura let him move onto _real_ training. The fact that he had to do them all over again just so this version of his body was used to them almost demotivated him enough to say screw it and just stay sealed so it wasn't a problem.

But then he thought about how terrible that would be, and suddenly the mountain of repetitive training didn't seem so bad, after all.

Shirō pushed himself to his feet and the sudden movement broke Rin out of his thoughts. His father clapped his hands and smiled at his sons, eyes closed. "But before you get into that! Rin, didn't you say you wanted to do the cooking? You might want to hurry if you want to get there before someone else gets there first!"

Rin was up in a flash, and Shirō was barely able to recite the verse to open the wards before he tore through the door and back up the stairs. Even from down here, he and Yukio could hear him yelling at everyone to get _out_ of _his kitchen_.

Shirō snickered and the two of them left at a more civilized pace.

* * *

Rin shouldn't be doing this. Shirō was going to kill him if— _when_ —he found out. Well, if Rin went through with it. He didn't even know if he could find what he needed.

Rin looked up and down the hallway as he made his way, soft footed, to his dad's office. It was the middle of the day, but Shirō had been called out somewhere, and Yukio was busy packing up his things to take to the dorm. Rin _should_ have been doing his own packing, but this was more important.

The office door wasn't locked, and Rin slipped inside without anyone noticing. He made a beeline for the desk, opening each drawer before he found one full of keys. Rin grimaced at the mess and figured Shirō wouldn't notice if he just riffled through them. It took a while—with Rin second guessing his belief that there _had_ to be a spare key—before he found what he was looking for.

The key to the supply shop.

He grinned in triumph and pocketed the key. Next stop was the cabinet to the right of the desk, which was filled with a vast assortment of weapons. Rin grabbed one of the smaller Holy Water grenades, being careful of the lid so it stayed _shut_ —he had no idea if it would hurt him as he was, but he had very vivid memories of how much this water burned.

Hanging on hooks were a collection of guns, from handguns to shotguns. Rin skipped over those, and looked for the blades he hoped were there. Shirō specialized in Dragoon and Aria, but Rin hoped Shirō's Knight Meister made him keep swords on hand.

Luck was with him. One of the drawers held an assortment of blades, some as large as Kurikara, others like pocket knives. Rin ended up grabbing a six inch iron dagger, pulling it from its sheath to check its edge. It was sharp enough to easily slice through a piece of paper he liberated from his dad's desk (it was blank, so Rin didn't think it was important) and Rin slid that into his back pocket, pulling his sweater over it.

Prepared, Rin closed everything he'd opened and slipped out of the room. He headed for a little used hallway, where he'd hid a pair of shoes earlier, then used the key and opened the door to find himself outside, on the bridge leading to the supply shop.

He stepped through, and left the monastery without anyone the wiser.

* * *

"Wow," Rin gaped, eyes sweeping over the garden, taking in everything he could see from this side of the gate. He'd noticed how beautiful and extensive Shiemi's garden was that first time, but he didn't think he'd ever get used to it. "This place is amazing."

"Th-thank you," Shiemi said, face bright red and beaming in pride. She'd been startled when Rin spoke up, but relaxed as soon as she saw his expression. He might look like a delinquent, but she could tell from that look of true awe that he was a sweet guy.

Rin grinned down at her. Then he looked thoughtfully at the flowerbed she was sitting in front of, and all the little pots of plants around her. There was no way she could plant all those, then water them when she'd have to take at least three trips for all the refills she'd need. It would take her until nightfall, at best.

"Can I help?" Rin asked.

"Eh?" Shiemi squeaked, eyes wide in surprise. She looked around her, then bit her lip and lightly touched one of her ankles. "I couldn't ask you to—"

"You're not asking," Rin interjected, smiling wryly. "I'm volunteering. So? Can I help?"

Shiemi looked reluctant, then grateful, and she nodded silently. Rin took a deep breath he hoped she didn't notice, then went to open the gate.

Nothing happened. He wasn't zapped like he'd been the last first time he was here, and he let out a relieved breath as he stepped into the garden, closing the gate behind him. He wandered over and settled onto his knees on the other side of the flowerbed from Shiemi. "My name's Rin," he said, and held out his hand.

Shiemi lifted one of her dirt-coated hands and cheerfully shook. "I'm Shiemi!" she chirped. She let go and handed him a spade. "Here, you can dig the holes for these."

She coached him through the task, correcting his technique and how deep to make it with a gentle voice. Rin let the peace of the simple acts wash over him. It almost felt the same as cooking; calming and rewarding when he did something right. Having Shiemi smile so brightly definitely helped.

It took nearly half an hour for all the plants to move into their new home. Shiemi bit her lip as she looked across the garden to the shed, and Rin jumped to his feet. "Water cans?" he asked.

"Yeah," Shiemi said. She was obviously conflicted; she knew how long it would take if she tried to get them herself, but she didn't want to make Rin do more than he needed to. He'd asked to help, but she wasn't going to treat him like a slave. One look at his smiling face and eagerly shifting feet melted her reservations. "There should be two in that shed," she pointed the way, "and you can fill them with the hose by the shop."

"Okay!" Rin said with a nod, fists on his hips for a moment before he rushed to get the jugs. Shiemi watched him go, wistful. Then she blinked, tilting her head; was that a dagger in his back pocket? He vanished into the shed before she could decide if she was seeing things, and then his front was to her as he went up to the shop.

He was back with the filled water cans much faster than she would have been. Shiemi fought with herself on how she should feel about that, then decided to be thankful. Jealousy wouldn't give her the use of her legs back, after all.

"This place really is amazing," Rin commented as he watered. "Did you do all this yourself?"

"Oh, no," Shiemi shook her head, looking a little sad. "This is Granny's garden. I'm the caretaker now, but… Granny created this." She closed her eyes. "She died during the winter," Shiemi whispered. "I'm sure she's gone onto the Garden of Amahara now, but… I still miss her."

"It's okay to miss the people we've lost," Rin told her, and Shiemi smiled at him gratefully. Rin set down the empty watering cans, then plopped down next to the girl. "Will you tell me about the Garden of Amahara?"

Shiemi brightened and nodded happily. Rin let her words wash over him; he'd heard it all before, but he knew talking about it made Shiemi happy. Right now, she still needed all the happiness she could muster. Hopefully, after he exorcised the demon here, she'd get—and take—the chance at a new life. She'd really been an invaluable ally. Even aside from that, Rin counted himself lucky to have her as a friend.

"If a place like the Amahara Garden really exists," Shiemi concluded wistfully, "a place with all the plants and flowers and trees of the world… I'd love to find it."

"Why don't you?" Rin asked. He knew why, but why stray from the script when this was the easiest way to get the answers he couldn't possibly already know?

"My legs aren't what they used to be," she said with a little laugh. "I can't even stand on my own, how am I supposed to search the world for some fairytale garden?"

"I don't believe in giving up," Rin told her. Shiemi looked up at him, surprised. "You should keep fighting for your dream, no matter what. I'm sure you'll find a cure for your legs one day, and then you'll be able to take care of this garden _and_ see the world!"

For a moment, Shiemi looked as determined as she always did, in the future Rin could remember, before her mood plummeted again. "No one's been able to find a cure," she said ruefully. "Mother's taken me to all sorts of doctors, but they all say I'm in perfect health! How is this perfect, when I can't move my legs?"

"Do you think…" Rin trailed off, scratching his cheek. "Could I take a look? I won't do anything weird!" he hastened to add when Shiemi looked shocked. "I just… My brother's studying to be a Doctor, and I know a little bit myself. I might be able to see something those other people couldn't."

Shiemi looked down at her legs, nibbling at her lips. She sucked in a big breath, then nodded sharply. "Okay. I'll trust you."

Rin smiled thankfully. Shiemi sat back so her legs were out in front of her, and Rin took one foot in hand, pushing her kimono up to the middle of her shin. That was all he needed to see the thick veins tracing up her leg.

"Roots," Rin mused. Yukio had called them that, back then, and he could see why; the veins in Shiemi's legs looked like a root system, and were more brown than any blood vein should be. Rin sat back, frowning. "That's a mashō," he told her. "A demon wound."

Shiemi flinched. "But—! I haven't met any demons!"

Oh, if only she knew…

Rin shook his head, pushing away the thought. _Not_ the time. "These are keeping you in the garden, right?" he asked. "So the demon must be here somewhere. Have you talked to any of the plants?"

Shiemi puffed out her cheeks. "Of course I have! Talking to them helps them grow better."

Rin chuckled. "Okay, okay, I'll give you that. But have any of them talked _back_?"

Shiemi bit her lip and looked down. "After Granny died… I heard a voice. It told me that I had to continue her work; I had to keep the garden alive. I thought it was just a thought of my own, because I _do_ have to care for the garden with Granny gone. But… You think it was a demon?"

She looked scared, and Rin reached over to rest a hand on hers. "Even if it was, I don't think you did anything wrong. You really care about this place, don't you? And you've done a great job tending to it. But… I don't think your Granny would want you to live your whole life here. Wouldn't she like for you to go out and see the world? Maybe even find that Amahara place?"

Shiemi sniffled, then scrubbed at her eyes. "She would," she admitted wobbly. "But how can I? I can't even feel my legs anymore!" Her breath hitched, and she covered her face with a sob. Rin didn't hesitate, not like he would have as a true teenager; he crawled closer and pulled Shiemi into a hug. She gripped the front of his shirt tightly and cried into his shoulder.

Rin didn't know how much of a comfort he was. He tried to make soothing sounds, and rub her back, but he'd never had to do this before. When he was little, he tried to resolve Yukio's sorrows by beating up the problem. As a teen, he'd been horribly awkward, and usually didn't do more than pat their shoulder—as well as offer to beat up whatever made them sad. When the war rolled around… everyone quickly and unfortunately got used to loss, and not many people cried about it, so he didn't _have_ anyone he could possibly try to comfort.

After a small eternity, Shiemi's sobs died down to sniffles, and she leaned away from him. She wiped at her face, her sleeve partially covering her terrible blush. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. Rin shook his head.

"Don't be," he told her. "Everyone needs to cry sometimes. I should be sorry I'm such a lousy comforter."

"You weren't lousy," Shiemi denied. "Now," she said after taking a cleansing breath. "How do we get rid of this demon?"

**_You're going to break our promise?_ **

"First step is to draw it out," Rin said quickly as he stood, "and I think we just did that."

**_Unforgivable!_ **

Shiemi screamed as the roots on her legs grew, dragging her into the air. The Dekalp grew around her, petals blooming from her shoulders, its false eyes glaring. Large leaves and roots encircled Shiemi's body, and the demon covered her mouth with one of its petals, leaving her eyes free to stare in horror.

Rin grit his teeth, trying to smother his worry. Shiemi had passed out the last time, but her being awake wouldn't change much. She'd be more scared, he knew, but he hoped he was prepared enough to save her quickly. First thing to do…

Rin dug out the grenade and pulled the pin, tossing it into the air above the demon. The Dekalp noticed it too late, and was too slow to move away from the spray of Holy Water. It screeched, high and piercing. Rin ignored it as best he could, rushing forward and drawing the dagger, cutting at the roots holding Shiemi in place. The parts of the demon the dagger touched started to smoke, sizzling and shriveling even faster than the places hit by the Water.

With another, weaker cry, the demon yanked itself free of the girl. Shiemi landed on her feet for just a second before she fell to her knees, panting, and Rin raced past her. The Dekalp tried to run on shaking root legs, but it was slow, and Rin slashed through it with ease.

The demon dissolved into black mist, then faded from view. Rin stumbled forward a few steps, and he put his hands on his knees, pausing to catch his breath. He slipped the dagger back into its sheath, and turned around—

—and almost toppled over, automatically wrapping his arms around Shiemi as she threw herself at him. She held him in a death grip, trembling. Rin almost panicked before he heard her laughing; light and breathy to start, then picking up volume as she cheered her relief. Rin grinned and gave her a squeeze before he pushed them apart just enough to see her face.

"Thank you!" she gasped, and though her cheeks held signs of tears still, her eyes were bright and happy. "That was amazing! You were all like ‘ _bam!_ ’ and ‘ _woosh!_ ’ and then ‘ _wa-cha!_ ’ and you finished it off so quick!"

Rin laughed, a little shocked but mostly fond. "Hey, I just did what I could. I'm just glad that worked; I didn't really have a back-up plan."

Shiemi stepped back and tilted her head. "Plan?" she asked and Rin froze. He laughed nervously, rubbing his neck and looking anywhere but at her. "Did you know that demon was here?" she demanded.

"Well…" Rin said sheepishly. "Um. My brother told me a little bit about you, and he mentioned your legs, and well," Rin's fingers kept pointing in various, random directions, and he stuffed them into his pockets. He thought he'd gotten over that stupid habit. He toed the ground and shrugged.

"Your brother told you?" Shiemi asked, and Rin peeked up at her to see her frowning in confusion. "Who's your brother?"

"…Okumura Yukio," he said quietly. "My name's Okumura Rin; I didn't fully introduce myself before."

Shiemi's eyes grew wide. "Yuki-chan has a brother?" she asked with so much surprise that Rin scowled. "You don't seem alike at all!"

"Oi!" Rin cried, crossing his arms. Shiemi giggled, and he softened with a little smile. She eyed him again.

"Maybe you're a little alike," she conceded. "You're as nice as Yuki-chan."

"I am _so much_ nicer than _Yuki-chan_ ," Rin grumbled. He glanced up at the sky, and winced at how low the sun had gotten. "I should be getting back home, though," he admitted reluctantly. "I… kind of sneaked out to see you."

"Oh!" Shiemi gasped, covering her mouth with both hands. Her cheeks were pink again, and Rin let out another little laugh.

"I'll see if I can come see you again. Maybe? If you'd want to see me again."

"Sure!" she agreed cheerfully.

"Great! I'm going to be joining the cram school, so I should get a few chances to come here, even if I have to follow after Yukio to get here."

Shiemi looked thoughtful for a moment, then shook her head. Rin hoped she'd been thinking the same as the last time this happened; that maybe she wanted to join the Exorcist school too, now that she wasn't limited to her garden.

He waved goodbye and trudged back to the door at the end of the walkway. His clothes, he noticed with a grimace, were covered in dirt, and he'd have to take his shoes off before going through the door to prevent any footprints in the hallway.

Rin stopped short of the door. That is, if this key even took him _back_ to the monastery. A jolt of panic sent a shiver down his spine. He _really_ hoped this key worked; the one he used to get to the cram school always returned him right back to the door he'd used, so this one should too…

It'll probably be fine. He's just worrying about nothing. Rin took a deep breath, and turned the key.

A very familiar hallway greeted him and Rin slumped in relief. He held his shoes in one hand, and made his way, as quietly as he could, down to the genkan so he could hide the shoes.

There didn't seem to be anyone in the building, and Rin risked a little noise to rush back upstairs to his room. Hopefully Yukio would be moving boxes to the dorm or something, and Rin could just sneak in and change clothes without anybody noticing—

"Where were you?" Yukio demanded, glaring at Rin as he peeked through the crack of the door. Rin winced, and shuffled into the room, staring at the floor. He mumbled something that had no actual words as he shed his dirty clothes, and Yukio's eyebrow twitched violently.

"I _asked_ you a question, Nii-san. Where w— Is that a dagger?"

Rin didn't even glance at the dagger he just tossed onto his bed, too busy looking for a new pair of pants. "Yeah, it is," he said absently. He tugged on a pair of jogging pants—not that he ever did any jogging in them (well, before now, in this timeline. He'd have to start doing that soon…)—and figured he didn't need anything over his t-shirt since he was inside. He flopped onto his bed and picked up the dagger. He moved it from hand to hand, then sat up to place it on his desk alongside the key he'd borrowed.

"Where did you get a dagger?" Yukio demanded. Rin sighed.

"I got it from the weapons cupboard in Dad's office, as well as the key to the supply store. Which is where I was. I just exorcised the demon attached to Shiemi."

Yukio gaped at him for five gobsmacked seconds, then ran a rough hand through his hair and growled. "What were you _thinking_ , going out there? How could you be so reckless?" he ranted, voice rising in volume as he went.

"I knew what I was doing!" Rin shouted back. "I've been doing this for _seven years_ , Yukio, I'm not some newbie Page looking for trouble I can't handle! And I couldn't just leave Shiemi like that when I knew what was happening to her. You would have done the same in my place. Hell, you would have done something already if you actually believed anything I was saying!

"Why the hell are you so pissed off?" Rin growled. "I was fine; I knew what I was doing and now Shiemi's free of that demon, so why are you _mad_ at me?"

"Because I'm worried about you!" Yukio yelled. He pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed shut, and tried to steady his ragged breathing. "I'm _worried_ ," he said, calmer this time. "You keep telling us you're older, that you've done this a hundred times, but I can't even fathom it. Just a few days ago, you were my idiot Nii-san, who didn't know anything about demons or Exorcists, who didn't seem to have a single care in the world.

"I… became an Exorcist so I could get stronger, so that I could _protect_ you. Seeing you run into danger… Even if you know how to handle it, it still… scares me," Yukio confessed in a whisper. "I still see you as my carefree brother, and the thought of you going out and doing these things, without even telling us… it's terrifying."

Rin closed his eyes, swallowing hard to get past the lump in his throat. He hadn't thought of that, of how his actions might affect his family, _now_ , and he should have. Even if they believed his tale of time travel, in their heads, there was no way their _hearts_ could accept it so easily, so soon.

"I'm sorry," Rin whispered, hanging his head. "I just… I knew if I told you or Dad, you'd try to stop me, or go with me, and… I actually had a plan this time. I didn't want anything to jeopardize that."

"You could have told me," Yukio said, but it was weak. They both knew that Rin was right; they'd have forbidden it, or made it harder for Rin.

"Well! What's done is done," Rin said, flopping back onto his bed. For a moment, he wondered where Sumiko had gone, but figured she was just exploring the building. "Do you think Dad'll let me keep that dagger?"

Yukio looked over at it. "You'll have to tell him what you did," Yukio said, not really answering the question. "But, really Nii-san? You went over there with just a _dagger_?"

"It's iron," Rin said, "and I took a Holy Water grenade too. So yeah, I'll have to tell him since he'll probably notice it missing."

"One grenade and a dagger," Yukio groused, hands covering his eyes and almost knocking off his glasses. "A _plan_ ," he said scathingly. "Oh, sure, that's a _plan_."

"I got rid of the demon, didn't I?" Rin grumbled, crossing his arms and glaring at the ceiling. "Shiemi wasn't even hurt; I call that a pretty good plan."

"Was she hurt before?" Yukio asked.

Rin looked at him from the corner of his eye and scowled. "Last time, I'd followed you to the shop, and you were the one who made the plan. I distracted the Dekalp after it possessed Shiemi, and you shot her with some weird plant supplement bullet. The demon let go of her then, and I was able to kill it, but you shot her! I still can't believe you did that!" 

Yukio winced. " _I_ haven't done that, though," he pointed out. Rin rolled his eyes.

"Maybe you can't remember doing it, maybe _you_ technically didn't do it, but I still remember you shooting her," Rin said, and winced at how petulant he sounded.

Yukio sighed heavily, turning back to the open dresser of clothes he'd been going through. "We can go around in this circle for however long we want, but it's not going to get us anywhere," he declared. "This version of me hasn't done anything for you to be upset about. I say we leave it and focus on what you're going to tell our father when he gets home."

Rin groaned, pulling his pillow over his head. He was going to be in _so much_ trouble…

* * *

Shirō was back by time the twins went down for supper. Yukio was twitching the entire time, barely finishing his food, and when Rin and Shirō were done, he dragged both of them up to Shirō's study. Rin grumbled the whole time while their father watched on in tired amusement.

"Okay, what's going on?" he asked when they were safely inside the room. Yukio frowned sharply at Rin, and after a very stubborn glare off, the older twin rolled his eyes.

"Tch! I was going to tell him, you didn't have to _force_ the issue!" Rin groused. He turned to his dad and breathed deep. Braced himself, and kept his gaze solidly on the pin attached to the man's shirt. Better to just… get it over with as soon as he could. 

"I exorcised the demon attached to Shiemi today, and I took the key to the shop, a Holy Water grenade, and an iron dagger from your supply to do so." He scratched his cheek. "I was going to tell you, since you'd notice the missing grenade, but, uh, I was wondering if I could keep the dagger. It'd be better than having to use Kurikara."

Rin peeked at his father. Shirō was frowning, arms crossed, but Rin could see a mixture of emotions in his eyes and face. Disapproval, pride, amusement… Rin looked away with a scowl.

"Well, I'm glad you told me," he said, arching a brow at Yukio, who looked down. "I'd like the key back, to begin with. The grenade isn't too much of a loss, and I never use those blades, so I suppose you can keep the dagger.

"I wish you'd told me you were planning this," he finished, and Rin winced at how weary the man sounded.

"I already had this argument with Yukio," Rin muttered. "You'd have told me no, or wanted to come with me, and I didn't know how to keep the plan intact with you guys there. And it all worked out, didn't it?"

"Your plan worked, yes, but what if something had gone wrong? What if there'd been another Exorcist at the shop? Or if Moriyama-san has seen you with her daughter? Rin, just because you know how to fix a problem, doesn't mean you should do it _alone_."

Rin squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. It'd be a tough habit to break; he was used to what was essentially guerrilla warfare, and the few undercover ops he'd been on had been him, alone, then a check-in after the fact. None of the senior Exorcists ever wanted to partner with him, and his cram school group had been split up early in the war. Shura and those five had been the only ones willing to look past his heritage; most every other Exorcist simply saw him as a powerful demon without a Tamer.

Dangerous. Untrusted.

"I don't have any more secret missions planned," Rin offered weakly. He tried for a smile, but memories of his treatment, so recent to him, weighed it down. He stuffed his hands into his pockets. "The key's still in my room; I'll get it to you later."

"Go now," Shirō suggested. "Bring the dagger too; I'm not the best at it, but I should be able to add some runes to it."

Rin went reluctantly.

When he got back, Shirō had spread out a cloth on his desk. There were tools on the side, and a canister that had Holy Water in it, as well as one with salts of some sort? Rin had never seen anything like it. He handed over the key and knife absently, frowning at the set up.

"What's this?" he asked.

"Inscribing tools," Yukio replied. Shirō unsheathed the dagger and laid it out on the cloth, then wiped it down with the Water. "You never did anything with runes?"

Rin shrugged. "Was never any time for something this fancy. At least, not that I saw."

He watched as his dad carved five or so symbols down the length of the blade, as well as one on the handle. He was murmuring the whole time, an Aria Rin guessed. He couldn't make out the words. Shirō dipped the blade into the salts, then wiped it with the Water again. The symbols glowed faintly, then faded back to normal.

He looked it over for a minute, then nodded. "There you go," he announced, sheathing the dagger with a quiet snick. He held it out to Rin, and the teen took it with reluctance, wary of anything that might harm him. Not that he thought Shirō would do it on purpose, but there had to be something against demons on here now, right?

Nothing happened, and Rin flipped it over a few times, eventually taking it out and eyeing the runes. He didn't know what any of them where—runes _were not_ his thing—but he thought he recognized the rune for _fire_. Maybe.

"Thanks," he said finally, tucking the blade into his pocket. He'll need to get a holster for it, but that was a _later_ worry.

"What, no questions about what I added?" Shirō asked with a grin, crossing his arms and leaning back against the desk.

"I mean," Rin shrugged, "it's not like you put anything harmful to me on it."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Yukio palm his face. He crossed his arms defensively. "Well! He wouldn't have! And even if you guys tell me what's on the blade now, I doubt I'd _get it_ , so what's the point in asking?"

"Even so," Shirō cut in, "it'll be good for you to at least be aware of what they mean. There's a few with side-effects you should know about."

Rin figured as much and he sighed, falling into one of the chairs. _His_ chair, as it seems to have become ever since he came back.

Shirō pulled his own chair around from behind his desk so he could sit closer, and held out his hand. Rin handing the dagger over again, smiling ruefully. It was a bit funny, how it kept switching hands.

His dad drew the blade, and began pointing out the sigils he'd put in. A low-level anti-demon seal, which wouldn't hurt Rin but would exorcise any small pests. A strengthening rune, so the blade would survive longer. The fire symbol Rin had noticed earlier, which would hopefully channel his flames to give the weapon an extra boost.

Rin leaned forward when he heard that, brows raised in interest. "I didn't know you could do that," he said.

Shirō shrugged. "It's mostly used by Tamers to channel their familiar's power. It should work about the same way for you."

Which correlated Rin with a summoned demon familiar, something he _hated_ hearing in his future, but—well, his father didn't mean anything harsh by it. He didn't even know it was a sore spot. Rin took a deeper breathe, barely noticeable, and nodded to himself. "That'll be helpful," he said, moving on with the conversation. "But, uh, won't people _notice_ if I do that?"

"That's the nice thing about _this_ rune," his dad said, pointing to the next symbol in the line. "It'll conceal the color and any other fire-related quality. The only thing that should happen is the blade gaining a glow. Hopefully just a shade of white or gold, but obviously it's never been tested with these flames in particular."

And then he handed the blade back, hilt first, and looked at Rin expectantly. He stared back blankly for a moment before his eyes widened. "Wait, you want me to test that _right now_?"

"No better time than the present!" Shirō said cheerfully. He wiggled the dagger, and Rin took it before his dad could hurt himself, more worried about his fingers than any fire-related mishaps. And then he stopped, staring down at the gleaming metal hesitantly.

He'd never had a blade with this sort of rune system on it. Some of the first ones he used in the war had been inscribed, but once things picked up, no one had any time for that. He'd certainly never used any that were compatible with his own powers. He… wasn't entirely sure how this was supposed to work, or even if it _would_. Rin trusted his dad to do a good job of it, but he hadn't done anything like this before, either. 

But, well. No time like the present. Worrying wasn't going to help him. 

Rin took a deep breath and brought his power up to the surface.

The dagger in his hand grew hot, as if it'd been sitting in the summer sunlight for hours, and the metal glowed brightly. It looked white at first glance, but the longer Rin stared at it, the more he could tell it was faintly _blue_ , the unearthly flames unwilling to be _completely_ suppressed.

"It'll do," Shirō decided, a wry humor lighting his eyes, obviously coming to the same conclusion. Rin huffed, and let the flames die down. The dagger was still warm under his touch, but not as much as before. Enough that it was safe to sheath and tuck away again without it doing any damage. Shirō eyed its spot in Rin's pocket and mumbled something too low to understand.

Rin allowed himself to think that maybe he'd be getting that holster a bit sooner than he expected, and then let it go. What happened would happen. Right now, he was just glad to have a weapon that wouldn't physically transform him every time he used it.

Speaking of… He should probably get used to using this weapon. He had mostly only trained before with swords, and he was used to that length. This dagger was effective, as he already knew, but it was still just unfamiliar enough that he wasn't sure if he'd be able to fall into a proper rhythm quickly. Which meant, of course, more training.

Shirō gained a scary glint in his eyes, and Rin barely suppressed a shiver. Maybe this was a bad idea…

Too late to back out, though. Rin steeled himself, and hoped he'd survived whatever hell-training his father set up for him.

(He did, barely. All of his muscles were sore, and he was sure some of that training had been punishment for sneaking out. Which, he'd take it. Better than having to clean the whole monastery.

Still, it was a welcome reprieve when Yukio came down to collect them for supper, and it was even more so when his father agreed to let him sleep off the day's events instead of doing more katas and drills. He was sure they'd be back at it tomorrow, but he _did_ need the training. Rin knew he would be thankful for all of this later.

 _Right now_ , all he wanted to do was sleep.)

* * *

That night, Rin had a nightmare. He should have expected it, honestly. He'd been lucky, those first few days, to get by with full nights of deep, dreamless sleep. A side effect of his travel, a small mercy granted by his half-brother who knew _exactly_ what sort of hell he'd lived through. But of course it couldn't last. He should have known better than to believe they were gone forever.

He didn't really think they were, more just… forgot it was a thing. Forgot that he used to spend every scrap of sleep he got fighting against waves of horrible memories. He was in the past now. Things were good. That war hadn't started yet, and hopefully never would. So _why_ would he still dream about it?

But trauma didn't use logic. It didn't care about him.

Rin didn't remember much of the nightmare. It was a jumble of some of his earliest, most basic fears. The night Shirō died, the day Yukio openly betrayed them. His brother, wreathed in flames he never wanted, letting them burn him to ash. His friends, following suit as Rin's demonic instincts ran wild, untempered by his supposed humanity.

Rin didn't wake up screaming anymore. That was a habit he trained himself out of, years of muffling the pathetic noises he made in pillows or whatever bundle of cloth substituted them. His breath still came heavily, too loud in the silence of this room.

It was still dark outside. Too early to wake, hours to go until the dawn. Clouds and pollution blocked what little light the night sky might have given, and shadows filled every corner of the room. Beside him, Sumiko meowed quietly, worried, and rubbed her cheek against his. She could probably smell his distress, or sense it, or _something_.

If it were Kuro, Rin would have pulled the demon closer, hiding his tears in his fur. Kuro used to put up with that a lot, purring as loudly as he dared in an attempt to ease Rin's pain. It had helped, a little. As much as he'd let it. But he didn't _know_ Sumiko, not that well, not yet. He wasn't comfortable enough with her to do that. Maybe someday. But not now.

So he let her nudge at him but didn't respond, clutching his pillow close and letting the fabric absorb every stray tear he couldn't choke back. Time passed, but it felt so far away.

Rin heard sounds of movement from the other side of the room and stiffened, breathing shallowly. Maybe if he was quiet, Yukio would go back to sleep. Would think he'd only heard the house settling, nothing more. But then Rin thought back to the half-remembered images from his dreams, brain betraying him as usual, and he let out something that might have been a sob, years ago. Yukio stilled.

Busted. Rin curled up into a smaller ball under his blanket.

"Nii-san?" Yukio called softly, sounding so much younger than he usually did. Like he _should_ sound, if the world were nicer, if he'd gotten the chance to be the child he was.

Rin hated making his brother sound like that, but he couldn't seem to stop doing it. He really was a terrible brother, wasn't he? Fuck.

Yukio shifted again, and Rin figured he'd sat up fully, committed to figuring out what was going on. Rin wasn't getting out of this without telling him _something_. Hopefully he'd accept a simple truth rather than anything more emotional. Rin didn't think he'd be able to speak about it without falling apart, and he so desperately wanted to avoid that.

Yukio called to him again and Rin squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm fine," he said, but it came out as a croak and, _dammit_. He sounded the exact opposite of fine. He cleared his throat, not quite covering the sound of his brother moving again. The bed dipped when Yukio sat beside him.

Rin rolled over, covering his face with his forearm. It couldn't cover the grimace he wore, but Yukio already knew something was wrong. Hiding further wouldn't change that.

"You're not fine," Yukio said, still quiet, still the kind little brother he only was in the darkest hours. When no one else was around to see him be a normal kid. Rin hated that too; how this world they had no choice but be a part of tore away at their childhoods. How it took a _seven year old_ and forced him to fight monsters, a task that would have no other ending but an untimely death, always looming over him.

Another faded dream memory: his brother, only a few years older than he was now, glaring at Rin with eyes that mirrored his own demonic ones, glowing impossibly brighter than the flames surrounding him. Rin sucked in a shaky breath.

"It's fine," he whispered, again, even though it never could be. "Just a nightmare. I can deal with it."

"Do you want to—"

 _Talk about it?_ "No," Rin snapped, then winced. He wasn't _mad_ , not at Yukio, not at anyone. But he was upset and he couldn't even beat up the thing upsetting him ‘cause it was his own _brain_ , and so all he could do was go along with the waves washing him away and hope he could pull himself back onto shore later.

Yukio was silent for long enough after that that Rin thought he might just give up on him— _like he usually does_ , Rin thought, and swallowed hard. Not his brother's fault. Rin was hard to deal with at the best of times. Why bother helping him, now, when he obviously didn't _want_ to be helped? Yukio could just go back to bed, and both of them could forget this ever happened.

"I assume it was about something that happened during the war," Yukio continued, because he was an _ass_ , even when he was being nice. It was just who he was. Rin groaned.

"Actually no," he mumbled, and sighed. He rubbed his eyes with his wrist a bit more, but knew it wouldn't get rid of the redness. He wasn't _ashamed_ of crying—Lord knew he did it enough _anyway_ —but this was different. This was a show of vulnerability that rarely happened around his brother. Which was… really kind of sad. Rin told himself to stop thinking about it.

He dropped his arm to rest on his chest, and stared up at the ceiling. It was so dark he couldn't see the small details. He'd been able to, once. He'd been able to see so much, with his Heart unsealed, and he ached to have those senses back, fiercer in that moment than the low simmer he'd experienced since coming back. He was so _weak_ as he was right now. How could he save anyone like this?

"It wasn't the war," Rin heard himself say, and his vision swam as grief resurfaced. Which was _stupid_ , because Shirō was _alive_ , and so was Yukio and all his friends, and why would he _grieve_ for people who never died? "It was—It was _that night_ again. When Dad—" and that was all he could say, throat closing up on him. He brought his arm back up to cover his eyes, to shield himself. It made no difference, but hiding had always been his preferred way to deal with pain.

Sumiko pressed close, curling up next to his hip. She was a comforting warmth, and Rin lightly petted her fur, if only to distract himself.

Rin didn't know how long they all sat in silence that time, but it was long enough that the heat had left his eyes, and all he felt was empty. He could fall back to sleep like this, but it wouldn't be restful.

"Would it help if I stayed?" Yukio asked, his voice almost too quiet to hear. But even with his dull human senses, the night's silence meant Rin heard his brother clear enough.

"We share a room," he mumbled, not really answering the question. Yukio jostled his arm in response, making an annoyed noise, and Rin's lips twitched towards a smile. "You wanna share a bed like we're kids again?"

"We're still kids," he confessed, and Rin's smile slipped away.

"Yeah," he breathed, and mourned anew. "We are, aren't we?"

Yukio didn't ask again, but when he nudged Rin's side, he shuffled over obediently. They ended up back to back, and the warmth of another human being beside him, someone he'd known for so much of his life, was more comforting than Rin ever could have expected.

He didn't know about Yukio, but Rin fell asleep soon after, and he didn't dream.


End file.
